The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a real believer in individual beliefs and opinions. I do however, want to request a couple things that in my experience, have helped our board be as successful as it is.
If someone has a disagreement with another member, be it a moderator. sister or brother in alanon, please take it to that person in pm. Please do not share what you speak in pm to the board.
I am sure none of us want to hurt one another.We are here to find acceptance, and help in dealing with a very serious illness in ourselves possibly, and/or our loved ones.
I want to say there are moderators, or monitors here who give of themselves a service as humble members. Some of the traditions of Al Anon are hard for some of us to accept. Sometimes members may not agree with the moderators standing firm as to what is acceptable here, and what is not. It may make mods not real popular.It is not easy being a moderator or op.
Please remember we are hurting, broken alanon members too. The way we decide things is not personal, it is taken from Al Anon guidelines.
When I see "any" member hurt by something that is not the alanon way,I will always step in.
This said, I always welcome opinions. But the controversy needs to be in pm. Mainly because we don't want to scare away new ones, or upset older ones. This board needs to be a safe place ,no different than a face to face meeting.
In fact when we post,we might think about if what we say would be appropriate in a face to face meeting.
What prompted me to write this was, a dear person was hurt by a very hurtful lable that was put on her, and others. To put it mildly,and in my way, my "hackle" went up!
As always I love you all in an alanon way. hugs,debilyn
Once, I lived in a housing co-op of 48 households. We developed a policy similar to what Debilyn is proposing and I think it is very sound. Our policy was: if someone has an issue with another, take it to them directly, politely and privately for a compassionate discussion. If that did not "work" then there was a small committee to take it to. I think its best to try to take care of conflicts directly in the beginning and here that would mean to leave a PM.
Also, one might think that this would be common sense. But believe, it is not for many people. This is my ESH. Thanks for listening. J.
One of the readings we do at f2f meetings says "there are no musts in Alanon".
I would also suggest that there are no absolutes; no absolute right way to work a program, or conduct group principles. There are thousands of groups all over the world, and no two are exactly alike in terms of how they interpret the principles.
Interpret.
It's a human thing, we all have to do it with any writing, philosophy, program, system, tradition, rule... interpret.
MIP is *one* large Alanon group. It is larger than most, and many members here are members of other groups. But as to how the group is run, how the principles are interpreted, what the rules are, and how they are enforced (or not) is just one of thousands of interpretations.
Interpret, then decide. And accept that ALL decisions have consequences. No action is consequence-free. Consequences can be minimalized, trivialized, or just ignored - but they're still there.
Many consequences are good. But there is no single absolute right way to "do" Alanon. I'm pretty doggone sure of that.
Yes, we are all hurting, we are all affected by alcoholism, we are all unsure of ourselves to one degree or another. And no matter how well we know the program, how long we've been around, how selfless we may desire to be - in the end, our decisions are human, and personal. As are the consequences.
If I may be permitted to quote from the AA Big Book:
"No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."
Thank you both for such wonderful posts. From my reading about the program this shows exactly what I have read.
No one is above anyone here. mods, the owner, strong willed ones, no one. We are all simply people who are searching for the same thing, serenity in our lives that involve others who suffer from addiction.
What both of you shared is just as important as anyone elses shares.The group conscience is what makes us a special gathering of people.
Mods mostly keep our home safe from ones how come only to abuse, and we do our best to keep things as experience, strength, and hopes. Also encouragement. I also want to say it can be how you feel about things too, as long as it is owned by that person. examples: I feel,I have learned, if it were me. etc. Then we get our feelings out,which to me is paramount,yet we are not advisining or telling each other what to do.
I know I have said that to death.
I am no one special,definitely still make mistakes, still long for my husband, still hate addiction,still may word things that sound like advice not suggestions...
anyhooooo again I thank you both, this helps me too you know!
Love and someone bring me some warm tea and honey and hold me awhile please? I can push this fat Basset Hound over!haha
Thank you ((debilyn)) for your post...just going to throw in my two cents. One of the things that helps me with my home f2f group is the last line of tradition twelve...ever reminding us to place principals above personalities. I know that at times with my home group things have been said that I felt were hurtful to me or I just plain didn't like. We have had a few conflicts in our group. But, then I remind myself of that last line of the tradition..and I place principals above personalities. I also remind myself that we are all in alanon because we have been affected by the disease of alcoholism. No one is going to say things the way I would like all the time. I also remind myself of what tradition one says....that personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity. The traditions help me when I have issues with my group. Just my two cents of experience... I love this board and the people who share here. You are all a part of my journey in recovery.
