The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We got a shockling phone call Thursday. My husband got a call from a lady. She asked him a few questions and said..you are my father and I'd love to meet you. She said she has a husband and kids and he made arrangements for all of us to meet in a few days at a restaurant.
We are guessing she is about 41. This happened many years ago...before we were married. He was going with a high school seweetheart when he joined the Marines and went to Viet Nam. Whie he was overseas they broke up. When he got home she had a baby and said it was his. He went to try to see the baby, but her mom told him her daughter had moved on while he was away. She asked him to leave and not come back. So he has old wounds anout it all.
I'm quite excited. I never was able to have kids and I see this as a second chance for a family. I see it as a Christmas miracle.
I am very accepting. His relationship with the girl's mother was before we met and married. I graduated with her and knew them when they were going together. So this is not like a n affair and love child. I am not jealous at all. I am pleased.
The update..we hyad some change of plans for tomorrow and were able to MOVE UP the meeting to tomorrow instead of next Thursday. YAY!
We never had kids before,s so This will be a first child and grandchild. She has one daughter. She has 2 step-daughters.
I really call it my Christmas Miracle that she called.
I am glad you have a christmas miracle. I try to have pretty low expecations and put my fantasies out there for myself. Much of my relationship with the a was based on tons of fantasies. I have to be really clear with myself about what my reality is all the time. I am working on setting goals for myself.
I think for me one of the real issues in my relaitonship with the A was also how I lived through him. I really put a lot into taking care of him and his friends and his family. His family were very very very difficut for me to detach from. I can have the same issue with the people I live in a house with. Detaching is a daily sometimes by the hour occasion. I wanted so desperately to have a "famly" and people I was attached to I rushed in and did not take the time to look at who I was "attaching" to. I felt so empty and lonely and I was desperate. These days I am not so desperate. I turned down a relationship with a guy who drunk. I looked at it and said I do not want to take the risk. He spoke all the itme about living in a bar all the time. I know what that meant to me with the A. I did not even get angry I just said this is not for me.
I've always rushed in and believed that I can take care of it later but later is not an option for me. There is a time when I'm evaluating any relationship when I have options. For some reason for me in my hell bent urge to "connect' I don't often think about what I want. I think about how lonely I am and how desperate I am and how I will put up with a great deal in order not to feel that.
