The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Haven't been sleeping very well. Combo of stuff I guess. Nothing awful at all. just old lady pains....probably too many cats on my bed...
I have been desiring calling the A. Just to see him. I just cannot stand not seeing him at all.I don't want anything from him either. It is only his shell anyway.
It is sorta funny, when that dang parrot about bit my nose off, I honestly was looking for a reason to blame my AH. lol lol
Still am so darn disconnected. Likened it to a kite that someone let go of the string.
With my dang disability I cannot do what I need to do. Like volunteer somewheres, take a class, go for walks, ride my horse. Needing to meet people so badly, wanting to be part of something,or someones....
You guys are as close as I am to anyone. My heart is here. I would much rather be in a huge room with ya'll. But the raw shares we have here, are people pouring out their hearts so that is pretty darn special.
I am so messed up as far as depression.I am not kidding.had a doc app. friday, thought it was thursday, missed my app. I think how very difficult it is to have no one to help me and me them.
Right now I am very ok. Been taking the pain med regularly so really when I do that I feel much better. I was given super strong stuff. yuck no thankyou,so asked for milder stuff and it is nice. works.
But sometimes that old demon jumps in and freaks me out.
You know it is my "Mud Madness." You would not believe how many tons of rock I have brought in....and I still walk to my trusty truck and go to the store andthere is mud inside my purse....lol
No matter what I do there is alfalfa in my hair. Of course it is the A's fault for having a brain tumor removed and leaving me here alone with all our animal family....yep he chose that....right
I am listening to my inner me and taking care of her. I placed six goats to this great family. They also took most of the big chickens. no rabbits either now. Down to reeba parrot and my delightful cockatiels. This spring they will be in an outside aviary.
doing for me. I like it. But as i always say, my heart has so much love to give.
I love being part of MIP. Learning is very important to me, supporting others is too. That awful tight gut pain is only a memory for me now, but I want to ease it for others as best as I can. It takes everyone different amounts of time to heal from that awful feeling.
Doing for me was finding out I was diabetic, the pills made me so sick, so I seriously eat right. I just got the next size jeans down, they were a bit tight at the waist, today they were so comfy....so the anti inflammatory/diabetic way of eating is working.
I have put off this big surgery so many times. dang it. but I am really not sure how I will feel as there is no one left to come see me or anything. They frown upon a cute Basset Hound in your bed.....Tavish is my main man.
He is the cutest boy. We are so bonded it blows me away. I mean it, if something happened, disaster, armageddon...whatever, he goes where I go. even if i have to carry him inside my overalls.
its strange,remember Tim the guy who i was hoping to share my lifewith? I told him well this may sound stupid but it is Tavish,means beloved, is what keeps me alive.He actually said that is not stupid at all.
I decided to call him and ask him to go for a walk.
I am rambling. but just wanted to share how i sorta take care of me.
hmmmm am actually falling asleep. I guess my own words do that to me!lollol love,debilyn of rattlesnake mountain/oregon
I have been watching the documentay on parrots in potrero hill and am seriously besotted. I can't decide if I love Mingus or Conner at the moment.
I do hope that you can find a way to connect with people. I tend to isolate a great deal. I have been seriously disappointed with people this year. I reach out and make an effort and then nothing much comes of it. I am going to make a huge huge effort to go to face to face al anon this next week to reach out. I am trying to have low expectations. I hope you find a way to connect with others so you feel less alone in the world. For me it is one of my key goals for next year.
