The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi group... Please refrain from using religion or other groupings that may have others feel like they may be judged and/or not included on the basis of their beliefs. Although this board is not formal "Al-Anon", we do, in fact, welcome everyone from every walk of life, and it is inappropriate to post religious-based messages and/or signatures on our posts here (there are many other forums available to do so).
I am copying a forum submission that addresses this issue rather well, and would encourage everyone to follow these guidelines, and refrain from using this forum as a platform to "spread your beliefs", whatever they may be.
Respectfully,
Tom
Without Labels
By Kathy McE, Washington
When I first came to Al-Anon, I was so full of pain that all I could do was dump my problems in meetings. Soon I heard most members sharing about Al-Anon solutions, saying that they told their woes to their sponsor. I began to see that sharing experience, strength and hope meant talking about how I apply the Al-Anon principles in my recovery.
Early in my program, I was told that something I shared was not "Al-Anon." Confused because I had heard there were no rules in al-Anon, I picked up the Al-Anon Spoken Here pamphlet. The pamphlet showed me why it was so important to leave all of my other affiliations outside of our meetings. It encouraged me to concentrate on the anonymity and equality in our fellowship. It taught me to work my program by supporting Al-Anon unity and by focusing on recovery in meetings. This pamphlet really gave my progress a boost.
Anonymity began to mean more to me than just no last name. After all, Al-Anon had let me enter without any of my outside labels, including job title or profession. No one knew where I lived or if I was a religious person. I dressed as I pleased, not to someone else's standard. By not sharing my profession or my religious preference, I kept myself label-free. My words could stand on their own. People got to know the real me - not just my labels. In Al-Anon meetings, it's important that I wear only the one label that brought me here - "I am a person who has been affected by another person's drinking." That label is the one common denominator that I share with everyone else. It gives me equality.
Now I can see that labels from politics, religion, income, professions, other therapies or memberships in other Twelve Step programs do not apply equally to every member of Al-Anon. If I discussed these topics in meetings I could be a divisive influence, maybe to the point of breaking up my own group's unity.
Al-Anon recovery is important to me. I believe in the spirit and the content of Al-Anon Spoken Here. I'm glad someone's comment caused me to take the pamphlet out of my Newcomer's Packet and read it. Similarly, outside literature probably will not apply to all members either, so it's best if I don't discuss it or refer to it in meetings. Any such discussion might even confuse new members about what is and what is not Al-Anon.
Al-Anon Spoken Here also suggests that members of other Twelve Step programs do not identify themselves as such in an Al-Anon meeting. Now I have many good friends who are members of both Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous, but when I was a newcomer I did not want to have anything to do with alcoholics. I came to Al-Anon to get away from them. The first time I heard an Al-Anon member identify himself as an alcoholic, I almost threw up. I avoided that meeting for a long time. I wonder if other newcomers feel that same way now.
Al-Anon Spoken Here has been a valuable guide in my own personal recovery. I even chaired a meeting with it as the topic. It was great to hear what everyone had to say! What I learned from this one pamphlet encouraged me to get and read all of the wonderful Al-Anon pamphlets. I was 12 months into my program when I started to read every single one I could find. I learned so much from them. Now I plan to read all of them at least once a year-because each year I am more willing and able to learn.
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Virginia Beach, VA.
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Al-Anon Spoken Here also suggests that members of other Twelve Step programs do not identify themselves as such in an Al-Anon meeting. Now I have many good friends who are members of both Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous, but when I was a newcomer I did not want to have anything to do with alcoholics. I came to Al-Anon to get away from them. The first time I heard an Al-Anon member identify himself as an alcoholic, I almost threw up. I avoided that meeting for a long time. I wonder if other newcomers feel that same way now.
Interesting.
I'm pretty well "outed" here as being both AA and Alanon. I've had people in f2f meetings say they could relate, or appreciated my POV. But I suppose for every person who felt that way, there could have been someone who silently went home and threw up.
If I was ever asked to leave by an Alanon group because it was known that I was also AA, I would leave and not come back - I would respect the group's autonomy. But in the absence of a clear ruling, I'm not going to second guess myself into a corner of total inaction. I need to be myself, and if that's not acceptable to the group, I'll find another group.
The bottom line is, we can never please everybody. Sometimes its not the rule-breakers (however gently) that disturb the peace as much as the enforcer-nazis. In the end, think before you speak is a good idea, but don't expect to do it perfectly. Don't expect everybody else to do it perfectly either.
Tolerance isn't a club to be waved over everybody's head - "be tolerant... the way we say... or else!!" Tolerance is... tolerance. We are all human.
I simply re-posted a message in it's entirety. I welcome all people on here, including those who are alcoholics. We all learn from each other, and are all seeking recovery in our own way.
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
At the risk of being misunderstood (well that's always a risk)... anyway...
I'm just saying that, I think we all want this to be a safe and welcoming environment. To that end, it makes sense that a newbie here would not want to feel they are being hit with any religious context. But at the same time, admonishing someone for a fairly innocent reference is not necessarily a way to make them feel safe either.
I don't like to have the gavel banged on me. And I try, to the best of my ability, to not bang the gavel on anyone else unless it's *absolutely* necessary.
I don't run the show here, and as I've tried to point out before - this is not Alanon. It's a public message board where Alanon topics are discussed, but anonymity is not assured, nor is the assurance that our posts will only be read by fellow Alanoners.
I will abide by the house rules here, as long as I stay here. To the best of my ability. But, with the understanding that they are just that - house rules. The owner of the house makes the rules; the fact that this is an owned house means it's not Alanon - it's more like an AA/12 step clubhouse. There is a difference.
I will abide by the house rules, but that doesn't mean I will never have anything to say about them, or how they are enforced. It's not my house - I'm just saying... something to think about.
I am not sure the reasoning for this being re-posted; perhaps it was only as a reminder. However I am reminding myself that Al-Anon does not engage in any controversy either.
Thank you for the reminder , C Guy. It never hurts to hear principals of al-anon again. I especially like to emphasize our main purpose .
It makes me uncomfortable when people come into chat STRICTLY as alcoholics, not for the purpose that we have: giving encouragement to families and friends of alcholics.
As for not engaging in controversy, I think that means public controversy, such as politics or other general opinionated issues or private enterprise self-help organizations. Correct me if I'm wrong.
I must confess that this posting made me a little uncomfortable though I appreciated the content. I think I mentioned in an earlier post that I had visited anothers support message board. At one point I was accused there of "dumping" on the board my concern for a "junkie." However, a sympathetic poster suggested perhaps the Alanon group would be more appropriate for me. Since visiting this board I have found so many stories similar to mine. Yet, having the previous experience I still fear admonishment for expressing my true feelings and somehow offending others. This post just brought all of that back. I have not yet, out of fear, attended a f2f. However, I will try obtain some formal literature concerning Alanon meetings in an attempt to follow guidelines appropriately. I feel like I need this board right now and I certainly want to respect all who share.
Barifax your post is a perfect example of what I do my best to remind us to own our own opinions and feelings.
When I respond to someone it is AL ANON. It is not a game or pretending. I do my best to share my experience, not saying it is right or wrong or the only way.I do my best to stick to al anon principles,and share the skills that have helped me.
I own what I share.
I have gotten where I am in my life from MIP and reading Al Anon literature. I respect what our HOME not clubhouse has given to me by every single one of my brothers and sisters here
I do want to say also I don't like what that article said either about A's. That was HER feelings. Surely not mine. A's are people who are sick.And as Tom says, we all have our stuff that we battle with. And It makes no differnence to me if anyone is an Alcoholic, food o holic, flower or holic, I am glad when they come to mip.
I own all I say, right or wrong to anyone else. I do like to listen to everyones personal feelings here. That is how I learn to see things in other ways....
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