The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
about seperating my feelings for my dad and his alcoholism. I didn't think it was possible but I'm trying. My dad came to stay with us a few weeks ago, coincidently my husband was planning a trip with his best friend back to their home town in Mexico and invited my dad to join them. I didn't think it was a great idea but my husband thought it would do him good to 'see different places/faces........my A dad said yes and he went. He had been sober for barely a week or so and I knew there would be no chance of him staying sober in Mexico, there is just too much partying and drinking going on over there around this time of the year but whatever it's his life, his choice so he went. Obviously he drank the entire week he was out there and came back the same way. He spent a few more days here and then left this week after being sober for about 24 hours. Had this happened a few months ago I wouldn't have wanted him here this way, but I'm taking the advice that was given to me last month about accepting my A dad the way he is and loving him and hating the disease.
The time he was here he had snuck a few drinks in my home, I told him that 'sneaking' wasn't necessary cause we were all adults. I only asked him that he not drive and he voluntarly gave me his keys and not once asked for them in return until he sobered up.
Sadly I must accept that my dad's disease is killing him very slowly. I know he may not be around much longer and I don't want to spend the last few moments I may have with him 'nagging' him or 'expecting' him to change after all these years. Things are what they are and I don't have the power to change them.
The last 24 hours he was here he was very helpful around my house. He took out the trash, fixed my daughter's ceiling fan, fixed the curtain liner in one of the bathrooms, and even went out and bought and set up a timer for the christmas lights outside because I kept forgetting to turn them on/off.
That's how I want to remember my dad, like the handy, responsible, hardworking man he is when he isn't drinking.
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Grant me the strenght to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference!
Sounds like you're doing well working your program. When I read your signature, that says it all for me.
My Dad was an A and I didn't have Al-Anon when he was still alive. I wish I had, because sadly I didn't handle things very well in our relationship. I miss him very much, it's especially hard during the holidays.
I wish I had had the advantage that Al-Anon gives me because I would have been able to understand him a whole lot better.
Love and Blessings,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
I am impressed hope ,well done . Acceptance is a little word but so hard to get to especially when u love someone so much ' allowing him to choose the way he lives his life is a gift that will bring u both alot of rewards. enjoy his company ,keep your boundaries firm and you will be just fine .
I have been reading your posts and was touched by the last one, this one however just made me smile and jump up and down for joy for you.
It must have been so special to see him doing these things for you. When they are gone, it is these moments that help. Cherish every one of them and each time you manage to response in this healing fashion for it will be as healing to you as your father and it is all about quality of life now for both of you.
Hugs, Heartbroken.
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Wow, what a great post! Another example of this program working when we work it. All it takes is one person to get into Alanon and the dynamics of the whole family change.
Keep coming and posting, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Reading your post was an eye opener. Sometimes it is hard scratching your way to the surface to see the true good. Glad to see that working and actually taking place. WTG! (((H in AZ)))
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Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.
Sometimes it is hard scratching your way to the surface to see the true good. Glad to see that working and actually taking place.