The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
my ah is well known in our location so folks know me that I don't know which made me pretty skitterish about going to al anon. Went out of town until I learned al anon was about me and confidentiality really does happen in al anon. Have run into a few acquaintenances at the local f2f mtgs but this week I was pretty uncomfortable. I read but didn't share and asked my sponcer how to handle after the mtg as it was a peer of my ah. It could be a snub on my part that might come around to hurt me - maybe I am paranoid and thought maybe it is meant to be, whatever happens, happens.
So then I approach and reassure confidentiality to this person and that our spouses don't need to know we run into each other at these meetings. I think I was heard but it's a brand new al anoner who is at wits end having committed spouse to treatment center the day before. The Aspouse is angry and the al anoner is trying to fix everything - very unsettling talking to this new al anon person.
My greatest fear before I had support of al anon was that I felt sometimes that I was going so crazy someone might commit me (ie AH before I came out of denial) and no one would know where I was. That is what is happening to this person and I feel so bad. Most of the time I let go and give it to my hp but it haunts me. I guess I will try to distance myself but I am very uncomfortable sharing much at meetings. Any esh on these too close to home type f2f situations? thanks, ddub
__________________
"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Just ask the friend to please remember your anonymity when u speak to her ,just explain that its very important to you and reasure her that u will keep hers as well . everyone is there for the same reason u are and trust that what is said in those rooms stays there . goodluck Louise
If she seems to feel a lot like you did, maybe you could try to reasure her that we are not crazy. We have been living with an out of control disease and had no skills to cope. The more meetings we go to, the more sane we feel. If your meetings are not topic strict, that could be what you share about. At our meetings we allow people to share about whatever is on their mind. The topic is just a suggestion to get us going. Your HP put you both there for a reason. I always have a hard time believing he wants me to learn how to turn and run. LOL ;) In my recent trials, I am trying hard to look for the lessons.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
As I remember, it is all about trust and meeting with others that we know but do not expect to be in the same circumstances and moving in the same circles as us can be very disconcerting for both parties.
TRUST has to be built up and that is a two way process, you of her and she of you. Your fearful beginning seems to be mirrored in her at this time and your success in being more confident with time could just be the thing that you need to share with her. TRUST between you and her that you will both keep each others confidences and in that way will be looking out for each other at this vulnerable time, because that you what you are both feeling - vulnerability.
hugs coming your way too, Heartbroken.
__________________
"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
