I think I have been pretty charitable by calling some of my house mates dysfunctional.  I'd now after living there 4 months call some of them total psychopaths.  They tend to act out over the holidays. So my plan is to go to a couple of movies on Christmas day. I may go to a movie with a friend on another day.  For me its crucial to be out away from the chaos and mess that some of them generate over a holiday. I'm no longer even willing to deal with their behavior.

For me Christmas is loaded, super loaded.  I have to take care of me. On Thanksgiving I got pulled into taking care of others and lost my temper.  I don't plan to do that again.  My temper is pretty precious to me these days.

Last night I had an incredible moment of remorse. My pets used to get really scared when the A and I argued. They have not had to put up with that for a long long time. I have barely talked to him for weeks now.  If I do speak to him its one sentence.  I have given up asking how he is, where he is, what he is doing.  He just evades the subject.  I know he was hoping I'd feel sorry for him but I no longer do. My energy these days goe son me and I need all of it to survive.

I am praying next year will be easier. This has been an incredible difficult, really trying crucial year for me. Much of my energy now goes into refuelling and taking care of me.

Maresie.