The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So while taking my Son to school this morning I backed out of my parking spot - went over some snow - actually ice, heard something dragging and thought it was ice stuck under the car - pulled over and saw the front of the car hitting the ground (the protector part) and then noticed, I am leaking something that is pinkish - purplish color. Called the auto shop, told me could be my coolant or my oil pan (possibly the transmission) :( !!! So in a few I am off to bring the car in to the shop to be placed on a lift. Sigh..Why now?!Why right before Christmas - when I need my car and the money? %$#@#$%%
So not cool.
Just over a month ago Son took out a neighbors mailbox and I had to shell out over $300 for a new windshield. I have yet to get a bill for the replaced mailbox from the good neighbor. Son is paying me back little by little.
Yes I admit, I am feeling resentful because not only has the ex A not been touched by a thing regarding any responsibilities for his child and owes money for the two years and three months he has chosen to be absent. He definitely has the means to give his Son a car (and so much more)
And today I was to have the initial appointment with a doctor for the migraines, but I had to cancel it because I was told by the auto shop to not drive the car anywhere (except to get it there and if I do notice its not driving right I am to call them for a tow)
Yes I do feel like Im really about to cry I am worn out and this is simply too much.
I do feel like a victim here and not really liking it much.
I always find myself in those moents saying "God, protect me from myself. I'm gonna do something, I don't know what, but I can't afford it. It'll hurt someone, someone I love, including me. Save me from myself. Help me. Please." I have never failed to find god in those moments. Even if all I do is curse and scream at those times.
I don't know your situation, however my daughter fianally hired someone to have her ex A jerk, garnished.
Tis good your son is paying you back. You are a good mom. I sure do remember loving mine and wanting to strangle him. He wrecked my brand new dodge 4wd pickup. gads..... Then he put my new wrangler in the lake...
Thank goodness he came out very ok.
Glad you let it out here. As it sounds like the primary problem is exA is not paying support or seeing his son. That is so hard on the family.
I betcha too, if you were not suffering thru migraines, you could handle all of life better. I get them too. If I don't be reeeeeeal careful what I eat, I could live with them constantly, awful. nightmares, stomach sick,everything sick...ick.
So I sure hope you have another app. Don't you have transportation in your city? Maybe you don't live in a big enough one. Wish you had not had to cancel. Have you tried zomig? Thank goodness it works for me.My friend went on high blood pressure med. migraines gone!She had them almost constantly.
It is always good to see ya post lady. You know I care about you. Now get your pretty self to the doc! Maybe ask a friend to take ya?
Even though a car issue is surely upsetting right now.....Try not to spend energy giving power to something you can't change. You don't need a migraine from the stress either!!!! This too shall pass sweetie. Your car is like an A, it's going to do what it's going to do. As always, you'll do what has to be done, deal with what you need to and carry on.
I have my fingers crossed for the best possible outcome for you!
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I dont really have any good advice for you tea - I wish I did. But I can say I understand how you feel. We have all had those days. All days have to end at sometime, and hopefully tomorrow will be a better one for you. Glad you have this space to vent in - just getting it out seems to somehow help.
Timing is everything isn't it? Just know that migranes are managable. My Mom and I have both suffered from them for years. But there are ways to handle it, now more than ever. Everything always seem to happen around the holidays. I sometimes wonder if we didn't have holidays would they still happen? Hmm.... would that were so. Hang in there sweetie. Things always have a way of working out when you least expect it. Much love and blessings to you and your son. Hubby and I will say an extra prayer for you tonight. Pipers sends her love too.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I get a lot of those too much moments. For me resenting the A just contributed to it. When I got to the point where I expected nothing absolutely nothing from him, gave up all hope it was easier. I started looking at other people as a way to help me. Believe me I was stuck in the he "should". Even today when I had to take my dogs to a friends because my landlord needs access to the house, I was so aware of all the things the A didn't do. He could certainly have looked after our dogs better. He chose not to. I have to remind myself of that all the time. He chose to put his addiction firs.t There was no time more he did that to my knowledge than the holidays. Every single holiday I spent with him his addiction came first, not one second did he give to me or anything else. It was Christmas its time to let it all go.
I know well what it is to be on your own, handling every single bill. I know it seems grossly unfair. It is unfair. What I live with and grow with is that the A is no longer in my life he is not going to bring any more mess in there. I think it takes years to appreciate that. I am up to my ears in debt also need medical help, dental help, every kind of help. I need friends too. I am alone and isolated but the A will not be bringing any more chaos into my life. I can work with that.
