The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have just joined this board, and I am so happy to have found it. I am the mother of 2 and step mother to 2, my Ex Husband is an A who still believes he doesnt have a problem.
I covered his drinking as best I could and made excuses for years until I finally had enough last year and took the kids and left. My favorite quote from him was when he tried to say that I left because I was cheating on him. I said the only reason I left you was because you are an A who is no longer a part of our marriage. His reply was "No, I dont think thats it" I was stunned - Oh ok - whatever gets you through the night!
He quit his job, and moved back to his small hometown to live with his dad. (something he swore he would never do as there is nothing to do there but drink) His brother is an A his dad is in recovery, and it also runs in his mother's family as well. One of his uncles died from liver failure.
Since he has moved I hardly talk to him. The kids were visiting every other weekend at first, but I realized that their visits were doing them more harm than good. I told him that the kids would not be coming until he got himself together. He doesnt call the kids or ask to see them. He has gained at least 50 lbs in the last 3 years, gets no exercise, doesnt eat properly and refuses to see a doctor.
I got a call from his first wife yesterday to say that he had been admitted to his local hospital. He required 4 units of blood for a bleeding ulcer. He has had bouts of jaundice where his skin and eyes are so yellow that people are genuinely shocked when they see him.
I tried my best for as long as I could, and I eventually realized that trying to save him from himself was going to kill me. So I took the kids and left. I have been honest with the kids as to why they dont go, and they understand much more than I give them credit for. I told them he is sick that he needs help.
At the rate he is going downhill, I cant see him lasting more than a couple of years. He is only 36.
I have realized that after a year of NOT living with, and obsessing over an A that my views on alcohol have changed. I have come to realize that most of my family drinks too much. And some of them drink and drive as well. Its hard to say that your family drinks too much if you cant even admit that your H drinks too much.
Sorry if I rambled on and on..........it's just really nice to be somewhere that people understand what you are going through.
Welcome. Alcoholism isolates. Finding real meetings & talking about it is going to help. There are miracles to be had in here & in the rooms of Al Anon. I'm one of them. Your situation is terribly sad. You will find others living that life or having lived that life. Do not isolate. The sickness will grow when taken out of the light of love & support that Al Anon provides. Stay with us & get better with us. Do it for you - your husband has to do it for himself... & keep coming back!
Yes, it's nice to speak the truth and not be treated like some kind of a freak.
It's hard to watch someone you love go so far downhill - just remember that you didn't do this to him. He was going in this direction whether you came along or not.
Yes, it's nice to speak the truth and not be treated like some kind of a freak.
It's hard to watch someone you love go so far downhill - just remember that you didn't do this to him. He was going in this direction whether you came along or not.
Thanks for that. I think that was the hardest thing for me to realize. Maybe I slowed the decent some, but he definitely headed down from day one.
And yes, it is very nice to be able to express myself, and to read others' stories and be able to relate to them, and have them relate to me.
Welcome. You sound like a strong woman and great mother. I have found this disease very confusing. It definitely helps to hear from others who are going through it.
Welcome to the MIP family. I appaud your courage to make such a huge change in your life. Your kids will benefit from it. What a wonderful gift you have given to them. Love and blessings to you and your family. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Claus <--- the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I think living with an alcoholic is a lot like living in domestic violence. You look like the crazy one, people blame you for staying and don't understand why you don't just leave. I think this is the only place where you feel like you're not crazy and people really do understand!
This is a wonderful place to come to for love, support and sanity and I am glad that you are here too for all of that.
Your post was not disimilar to several that I have already read, and the patterns repeat themselves over and over again, making it easier to bear when one realises that one is not alone and not experiencing something that is ONLY HAPPENING TO THEM; however that said, do not think for one moment that I am not belittling your story for it is your story, which has some of my story in it too, (pattern repetition or disease pattern as I have come to think of it).
This family is beautiful and there are many very wise heads here. I hope you benefit from their input, just as I have in the short time that I have been a part of this family.
God Bless Heartbroken.
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
