The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After speaking to the A this morning I feel enormously sad that I wasted so much time on someone who really just wants to manipulate me. I really played into all his manipulations. He does not care about me or the dogs. He does not even ask after them. One of my dogs was out missing for 2 days, she could have been injured crossing the road. He has never ever asked how she is. The other dog was supposedly his baby. He claimed that he could not live without her for one second. He seems to have done fine. I am glad she is fine but having her and the other dog is an enormous issue for me. I loe them tremendously but there is no quesiton if I did not have them I would have far far far more options open to me than I do now.
Why did I waste 7 years dealing with him? Why bother? He never for one moment cared about me or my issues, or my concerns. These days I just say hi and bye. Why did it take me 7 years of absolutel agony, loisng everything I had, my health, my sanity, my abiliity to work every single thing to see him as he is.
Oh, how I feel your pain! Except it is 13 years and he tells me to my face that he loves me, but wants to be "friends". He has been saying this since 6 months after we met. Yet, somehow my obsession continues. Like I said on my last post we have a 3 year old together who he show only superficial interest in- similar to the one you spoke of with your A's dogs. I have to believe this relationship continues because I haven't learned all I need to know yet. If you can try to find the lessons in the 7 years you spent in your relationship...know that also there is someone out here who also feels your pain.
codep, I have often used that excuse: learning the lessons is why I stay. I have learned some lessons, some really incredible ones I never could have learned in any other way. You may be right. I may be right or we might both be fooling ourselves silly in denial...its hard to say! Anyway, keep coming back- hugs, J.
