This summer the A was gone for 2 months living in the truck somewhere.  I did not hear from him. He got a new phone number which he did not give to me.  Two months ago the A got kicked out of where he was staying.  I had stopped paying his rent for him in September. He came up with something for September and by October had no where to go. I believe he went to his uncles.  He has never otld me where he was or is.  Once I got the dogs I began to be in a place where I had no contact with him.  Of course he also destroyed the truck too the insurance money and ran.  Lately I have been focusing on me but I have nevertheless thought about the A. Part of me really would like him to go to jail because his reckless driving scares me.  I have long since gone to a place where I wiill no longer drive with him. This time I went a full 6 weeks without contact from him.

Like always when the A calls he calls again. He called at midnight. I was asleep. I have my cell phone on vibrate. He called first thing in the morning. I realise the A knew me well. he could alway splay on my loneliness and play on the fact that I was still trying to get something from him.  In working my program I realise he had nothing to give for a long long time.  I think I have also been worried that he would want one of the dogs back but I realise now that would crimp his style. There are other dogs on his uncles property and it would be a real issue to bring a dog in there.  In addiition he loves to take off for days on end with his drug buddies so he can't really have one but I wouldn't put it past him to ask. he has not asked though.  I was also contemplating going to our mail box and I wondered how I would feel looking at his mail. I guess I am still curious about where he is in the legal system. I can't believe he got off scott free from doing a hit and run.  I don't ask because I never get a straight answer from him.

Anyway to cut the story short after really working a program for a while and really praying a lot. I got to a place with the A where I dont' have anything to say. That is indeed a miracle for me because I was Ms. Rageathon, ms Griefathon and Ms. just lets try again and of course let me try try try try to get something anything ,any scrap out of him athon too.

So this mornign when he called I said I was on my way out and had nothing much to say. He called back and left a message and I don't have any intetion of answering it. I dont' by any means think I've heard the last of him but I know for me right now I feel in a good place that I dont' have anything to say to him anymore.

I certainly know for certain I would not be here without putting so much time into this room.

I don't envision myself having a lovely holiday. I feel it will be lonely and next year is a big quesiton mark for me. I know however that the more I work this program the less likely I am to go to the A and ask for something he could never give me in the first place.

Maresie.