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We are trying to get off to a cat show in north Texas. He (A) doesn't want to go because he has no interest in showing cats. That's ok. I can do this alone. But...he insists on going anyway. Just so he can complain about it. He just left to take one cat to the vet's office; her nails must be trimmed. SO he harrumphs about it, takes the cat out the door in her crate. The vet is two blocks away. Why, if he does not want to accompany me to the show, does he insist? I think it is simply to attempt to irritate me. I am so tired of the selfishness, I wish he would let me go alone so I could enjoy myself. God forbid.
Diva
-- Edited by Diva at 14:40, 2007-12-14
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Oh I have had the grumpy butt (exAH) accompany me many a places and ruin it b/c he wasn't really into it. He acted as if I dragged him by the hair and made him go and the whole time walking around being a butthead to me and the kids, refusing to do what we were there to do and just totally ruining it for everyone. I will keep you in my prayers that you manage to enjoy yourself regardless of your A.
It seems like in my house my A is now noticing my detaching a little bit....I told him i didnt know what i was doing this weekend but i did want to go out and be with friends or take a little trip in my car or just visit my mom...none of these things he had any interest in before..i would ask if he wanted to do some nice things or little things with me and the only thing he wanted to do was take me to the bar...now I have decided to do some things on my own to make myself a little bit happy instead of waiting for him to come home from the bar safe everyweekend or make sure he is not passed out for my kids to see...and the truth is i dont want him there with me now...the only thing i can come up with is that he sees me trying to not focus on him and live my own life and now he wants me to be back where i was all about him...i really dont know if that can help you at all just wanted you to know i can relate to your feelings..actually made me laugh when u said i wish he would let me go alone and enjoy myself god forbid...i feel your frustration!! :)
Good post Diva, what does one do in this kind of situation? I have been there hundreds of times. He agrees to come along/help and then I pay and pay and pay as he drags his feet, complains, picks fights, complains some more, etc. I guess the best answer is to simply stop inviting them and just go about my business.
Hi Diva, It amazes me, as I feel you as a very independant, strong woman. But here I read your words,"I wish he would LET me go alone." Instead of wondering what makes him want to go I am wondering, what makes you even consider him going with you?
Guess I am focussing on you. Going to a cat show,showing your cats is a very important thing to you. It is also a very cool interest. Myself , I would not allow my A to even consider coming with me.
I like to go to the Basset Games once a year. It is so funny to me to see all of us dummies who love these stubborn, slobbery, stinky, counter surfing dogs...We all have to carry a towel as we walk them becuz they drool on our legs....
Now I see the humor of it all. Love to see the different Basset faces, and their long ears.
You must see the beauty, and fine breeding of the cats. mingling with others who share your interest. Plus I am guessing you put a lot into your own cats.
To me the A would only put a damper on your love for what you want to do.
From my experience, the A told me he did not like to be where he did not know wher he could get a drink or other drugs....sigh.
Anyway I would love to know what kind of cats you show. Do you have a web page? Let us know how it goes.
Don't ya hate dog and cat hair? Yet love the critters so much ya put up with it?
Do you actually say I am going to the cat show or sort of invite him. I am really straightforward I just say I am going to the work do or going out for dinner with the girls. He doesn't even get a look in lol. Mind you he doesn't want to go anyway. I do think though sometimes they like to play the martyr. My husband does all the cooking then he turns around and says somedays " I guess I am making dinner". My answers range from "You choose to do it or yep looks like you are lol" Depends on my mood at the time. Hope this helps. Luv Leo xxx
Can you tell him it's a female only cat show?!! I know there are days when he wants to do things with me and it would be so much easier to tell him NO. But how do you do it without hurting their feelings and not making him feel worse (in my case)? When someone has the answer, please let me know. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Claus
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I would just say I prefer you not go because you really don't want to be there and I'd like to have a good time while I'm there with other cat lovers. Or some such thing.
I too would try to find some way to let him know that he is not required (or wanted) for the trip.
I guess in some way I was lucky. My ex AH never wanted to do ANYthing. Not with me, not with his kids, not with anyone. I took the kids on vacations by myself. I got tired of trying to have him be a part of our family.
You have to make yourself happy, and if that means you tell him to stay home, then thats what you have to try to do. (not always easy I know)
