Grateful, do not be too hard on yourself here- of course you have questions and they are legit!!! Lord, we all ask and its because we want an answer! There is nothing wrong with this, in fact it seems to me that this would be perfectly normal in most any other situation.

PLEASE question- questioning is a good thing in life- it is a sign that you are thinking, wondering and pondering which is what we need more of in this world, not less of, believe me!!

The trick is having an expectation of getting an answer or an answer we like/want/can accept or an answer that will satisfy our questioning. I have stopped asking any of the A's in my life any kind of questions. I stopped this because it was setting me up to fall flat on my face and feel like crap because they would lie, lie, avoid answering, change the subject, tell me what I wanted to hear, etc. etc. you get the idea.

You need to understand that its highly likely THEY WILL NOT ANSWER in any way that is meaningful or real or helpful. They even believe their answers which is what makes them some of the best liars on the face of the earth. And we want to believe them. Oh boy do we!

Also, asking questions and obsessing about his answers is a sure fire way to take the focus off of you and put it back on him again. Turn the finger around and point it at yourself- how are these questions helpful to you? How much time is this taking? What else could you be doing that is more productive and that will make you feel good instead of making you feel like crap? You are not alone, the questions are there and in a normal situation, it makes all the sense in the world- but we are talking about an alkie here. hugs, J.

ty all so much, what you say makes great sense, and is exactly what I needed to hear
grateful

I am the type who analizes everything.

But becuz of Al Anon I learned this statement," we cannot rationalize insanity."
when it finally dawned  on me it was all futile, I stopped. Just did not matter. He has a horrible disease, and he does not even know the why, and whats.

I got so tired of him saying,"I don't know." But then I realized he doesn't know.
For me it was not control. It honestly is curiousity.

My son is Bi polar. He has two selves. Why does he say, tell so and so if they are mean to you I will kick their butts, then I call him and he uses the F word to me.

It is a disease.

they do what they do becuz they do. i also know that once I stopped trying to analize, it all fell into place. It is not complicated at all. They do what they do becuz they are an addict. It is the number one thing on their mind.

They are using, then planning how to get more, go to get more, come back and use again and start all over.

I have been told using heroin is the whole thing, the outfit, the tieing off the shooting. loving the needle.

smoking is the  lighter, the lighting up and on and on.

in a way I found it all so simple it  was boring. Now it is all so clear.
becuz of Al Anon, my A is freaked out becuz the disease cannot fool me anymore.
AS soon as I let go, it all became perfectly clear and more clear as time goes on.

Part is too, the disease wants you to think about this so you will be to confused towork on you . It is controlling you. Just like when a person digs and digs at you to get ya mad, trying to get you to react.

gads I hate aism.  so go  look in the mirror and help that person ya see.

What is making her allow the disease to be taking her energy. Can't change  any of it even if we could figure it out.

love,debilyn