The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The A well MOST A's hang on to us and who ever, just in case they hit a bad spot. In their mind they are always plotting how to get their drug again.
Then pops in mom is out of vicodin, I can call deb and offer to do work up there,she will pay me....
When we cut them off 100%, we are off the list of who they can use. They do that nice nice thing. Then next thing we know the disease can't hold onto that fake crap long,and the horrible person is back.
So when we show no emotion, don't feed them or allow them to do anything for us, then they can't feel we owe them. Makes them mad, crap I cannot use them anymore, they got my number...
Sadly the guy I was interested in showed all his colors. I just allowed him to play it out. Saw all the flags. Was interesting to me. Was interesting too, how my head and heart both payed attention and did not play along.
The no show crap,not finishing what they started, signs of meth use, signs of other drug use. Won't go to the doctor and get their own pain meds.
Won't go to the doctor because they are horribly depressed. Anyway, after some bs, he just called me. I told him, hey I don't allow people to use me. Friends don't start projects and then leave them not finished.
I have a gate up, looks nice,but I cannot lift it to open it. So now I cannot drive my truck up here where I can get the fifty pound sacks out right by where they go. I cannot get the straw up here. Have to bring it up in flakes in the flat tired wheelbarrow.
I have a trench dug that I trip over and cannot get my wheel barrow over to feed the llamas.
I have a roof that leaks.... unfinished.
I would usually do it myself but sadly no longer can. Just like my knee, the arthritis, osteo type, weakens the joints and I am tearing the tendons etc...
Anyway I told him how I felt, then said a quick bye!
My three chicks I raised are more loyal than he is.
I feel for you , Hon. I know exactly what you mean. I used to come out to feed on my day off and find the tarps under feet of snow because nobody would shake them off daily. I would spend hours shoveling frozen tarps. And of course there were the tons of hay lost when my A would deliberately refuse to tie a tarp down right. I don't know how many times I had to tie tarps in the rain/sleet/snow when I came home in the dark to find exposed stacks of hay. (He just tapped me on the shoulder to say,"sorry". He says he feels for you too.) I wish I was closer, so I could come give you a hand. Sucks to have all this stuff done half-a$$ed. My A is getting so much more responsible, but we are still constantly finding messes to clean up and deal with, the fallout of this disease.
Keep your chin up. Something will happen for you. Have faith in HP. Be proud of yourself. You just gave insanity the slip. What a huge thing to realise you don't have to get on that train.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
what success not to be pulled in. I think that is recovery to see someone for what they are and not be pulled into this awful disease. I am so sorry your projects are all out there. I am glad that you did not slip up.
I am assuming that you are not talking about your A that you had many years with at Eden and someone new in your life. I am sad that you have been let down but proud of you for not getting trapped in to the cycle again. You have come a long way. There will be love again in your life and it will be when you are least expecting it. Luv Leo xx
