The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I spent last weekend attending an al-anon state assembly which was OK but also kind of depressing because of all the rah-rah al-anon speak from the majority of the people there and the "program" presented.
It generates this wall that verges on being a cult. The usual people say the usual things and take up the usual amount of time they always do (and always have). It is just sad to me and lacks any kind of liveliness or interest or humanity. I do not want to spend time with a bunch of zombies regardless of the cause.
One of the things I like so much about the AFG groups is that I get to be who I am, regardless of what I bring into the rooms- we all do. I am accepted for who I am and so is everyone else. I did not feel this was so at the assembly and it was sad. Most were 2D paper cut outs repeating the same phrases over and over again. Why? Is there no room for questions? Is there no room for dissension? What is so threatening about dissent in al-anon, I wonder? Are we all having a wonderful time/day?! I really don't think so...we are doing OK but why can there not be any acknowledgment of what is real for each individual? Why is it so impossible to be comfortable being ourselves at an assembly?
I do not need to say how grateful I am over and over again into a microphone in front of a bunch of people for two solid days. I do not think I will be attending any more assemblies, there are other service opportunities, thank goodness.
Sure, maybe I have a bit of an attitude problem, its where I am at right now. I was grateful to go just to learn what I did- that I do not want to attend another one. It was a huge turn-off, to be honest. Thanks for listening and I appreciate some anonymity here, fellow residents of Hawaii who hang out on this board : ) I know we are a tiny state so lets not gossip, mahalo. J.
I have no experience with state assemblies but it has reminded me of this little uncomfortable nudge I get just at f2f meetings or just living my life as it is.
I was angry to join al anon, angry I qualified for it but didn't know what else to do so I went. Al anon is helping, I understand new things and the tools help......... but I am still me and not defined only by the groups I attend. Now I feel glad I have found al anon because of the growth potential and new knowledge.
Just like I was a member of 6 different christian faiths (long story) and now a practicing catholic. I raise our kids as catholic but call myself a christian, no faith is better than another to me. Then there was the mental health issues with a stigma attached that is better than it was years ago but still made me angry that treating brain chemistry wasn't accepted the same as diabetics, low thyroid, high blood pressure, asthma etc etc. All of this is about others trying to make people feel like they are weaker and not strong like normal folks. Maybe the defination of normal should be expanded.
At times, I battle the shame of one part of me or another when others define me negatively but when my self esteem is healthy, I don't want to be only defined by the groups I attend. I want to be accepted as me, who I am by people in general. Perhaps I didn't feel accepted in my youth and that is why I am a rebel by nature. I don't expect everyone to like me but I am not interested in people who only like me if I am more like them or because we are members of the same group.
The variety of thoughts, beliefs, ideas is what excites me and keeps me growing vs the sameness, inclusive & exclusive attitudes seem stagnant.
I can relate to your feelings of keeping dissension, agreements too & reality part of all exchanges with acceptance for differences. More two cents from me..... hmmm I'm just saying, I guess, that I need some thoughts to talk and think about. thanks
ddub
-- Edited by ddub at 02:15, 2007-12-13
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Last month I attended my first statewide (well Texas has two halfs of the state..lol) so the one I attended was for the Eastern Area of Texas).
My experience was different than yours. I met a wonderful, wonderful group of people all interested in giving service to Al-Anon. I went to my first alateen meeting there, voted in the assembly, watched people to agree to disagree on a few issues that got pretty heated but saw them all come back together afterwards and accept the group consciousness.
I don't say these things to try to negate your experience or in any way judge you, but just to put it out there that not all assemblies are like the one you attended.
That said, I can certainly see that an assembly might not be for everyone. Just like group business meetings sometimes they move slowly and can become a bit tedious. But they are important, very important to the growth and health of a group.
Going to Assembly let me feel more personally being a part of something big, the world wide fellowship of recovery that I am so extremely grateful for.
Anyway, I am glad you are able to look at your experience that you say wasn't a good one and still find something to be grateful for!
Trying new things for me is a big part of my recovery. Sometimes I find something I will do again, sometimes, once is enough! But either way it is good, because I had the courage to try it.
I'm not sure if you are talking about a conference - which is sort of an all-program, intensive convention kind of thing - or an assembly, which is more political.
I have not gotten involved in Alanon outside the group level. However, I did do a turn as GSR for my AA home group. This meant attending monthly area assemblies, and listening to a lot of reports and speeches and rarely voting on some kind of somethingorother. It was sort of like being an "AA Congressman". Except without the perks, or the power... LOL.
Anyway, what I learned from the experience is that the political organization of AA World Services is NOT the program! It is a separate entity, with good reason. Going to this assembly was a duty that my group drafted me for. One of the things the assembly encouraged was for me, and some of my other local GSRs, to go around to groups that didn't have GSRs and encourage them to appoint one. This made us about as popular as telemarketers. Sometimes the lynch mob was already waiting for us.
I learned from the whole experience not to take politics seriously. AA (and Alanon) traditions place ALL power in the hands of the group conscience. The political organization is separate, and participation in it is voluntary. And before one participates, some experience and a thick skin is mandatory.
The various regional conferences and conventions are more geared toward the program itself, although they may be staged at an area level. Again participation is voluntary -- but generally the focus is on meetings and the actual program. I have not been to any of these - either AA or Alanon. I keep hearing what a great time they are, but yet - I still feel my program exists at the group level. I think attending some of these big bashes would be like watching Alanon on TV. Your experience does lend some credence to that theory.
The biggest AA "event" I ever attended was a dance. I don't really dance... it was 500+ people. I went for the dinner and the speaker, who was very good... it was cool until the dance part started. The atmosphere of honesty, love, and program that had been present seemed to vanish into thin air once the music started. I go to events with people so I can learn from them, share with them, just be a part... when the music cranks up so loud as to drown out all conversation, and it's all about who looks good or moves good or has the best pickup line, I'm standing in line with the "losers". I doubt if I'll ever go to another "AA dance" again. I found it a most unpleasant experience.
This was a state al-anon assembly and they happen twice a year. This is my second one. The first one was just plain confusing and I had only been in the program for a couple of months. I was pretty out of it for a variety of reasons. Anyway, I am a grateful member of al-anon, I honestly am, I just do not need to announce it to everyone at every single meeting, over and over like I am trying to convince myself or something. I just am. I say it when I need to say it. It was just creeping me out to be around a bunch of (mostly women) in a zombie-like state saying the same things over and over. It would be enough to creep out anyone, i think. I know it pressed some buttons for me because of my born-again fundamentalist christian A family background. OK, thanks for your shares and I am also grateful that I know I will not be attending one again! That was HP's gift to me: I heard: you do not need to bark up this tree, honey! There are other ways to serve. J.
But either way it is good, because I had the courage to try it.