The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a gay man who goes by the name of "Euoria," on here. Though it may seem like a female name, it's actually a noun; a unique one. It is the shortest word in English that contains all the vowels and it's meaning is what is important to me: 'beautiful thinking.'
My thoughts have been so muddied and as so many of us have, I thought myself almost to death to get to Alanon. I live in the Seattle area and have been a very active member, lots of service, secretary to one of the largest groups around and identifiably the only gay man at the meetings I go to. I am a Viet Nam vet w/ PTSD, I have AIDS, having survived the 1st real family I ever felt I belonged to: a support group of us "Lucky 13," the 12 others having the motto that "the worst day alive is better than being dead." I said that the sooner I was gone, the better, because I wanted relief from my own thoughts and feelings.
On Solstice this month, I will celebrate my 25th birthday in the "other" program, which never met my real needs, but saved my life...for reasons I'll never know nor understand.
And here I am now, the 12 others in my support group are dead; and I am the sole survivor. I was to have died many years ago and also have survivors guilt.
This is my 1st time at this site and I think I love it already.
So, I am "dying," to the old ways of self-pity, and shedding my layers to get to my core-belief of self which has been pretty ugly. Buddhists call any change a "bardo," which literally means death and rebirth. I look at it as a trapeze act: I'm letting go of the old swing and find I'm suspended in mid-air, not yet catching the other swing, but I do have a net: Alanon and its loving members.
I hope to get to know, Love AND Like you all "in that special way."
Thanks for reading this. At this time of year, I can hear Tiny Tim: "God Bless Us Every One."
Euoria, thank you for your post and welcome to this site. I love to learn of new words so thank you for introducing a new (and amazing) one to me this evening. You have survived so much, its truly amazing: nothing can keep you down/back it seems! This is so inspiring. Keep coming back and I look forward to hearing your ESH here at this site, you will be accepted unconditionally. Hugs and welcome- J.
You'll be grabbing for that other trapeze in no time (maybe you can even throw in a flip). :)
You are obviously a survivor in many more ways then with the Lucky 13. How sad to have lost those people. Life seems to carry us forward whether we like it or not. Alanon has helped me like it a lot more then I used to. None of it is easy but nothing worth having ever is. I'm glad you found us.
Keep coming back, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I'm glad you read it and welcomed me; it validates the Program that's becoming the new template for my new life. I'm in mid-air....but there are so many ready to catch me if I don't catch the new swing on the first try.
May you have happiness and its causes. May you be free of suffering and its causes. May you never be separated from sorrowless bliss; And may you dwell in equanimity, Free of bias, attachment and anger.
Euoria (which is the name I give my higher power, which is increasingly female as they are the bringers of life. Men plant the seed, but the mothers bring life to this world. And as my mother, with what I now know to be her great burdens was not maternal - she could only do with what she had - Euoria and my mom sit on my shoulder and I increasingly see my mother for who she was....just one of us who are finding our way as best we can. I wish she and my dad, who despite being drunk every day had very strong moral compasses which I inherited and I am grateful for that, could have had the tools that I have been blessed with.
I'm glad you found our group. Thanks for sharing your story. This alanon group has helped me so much. I hope you find some comfort and support here as well.
Love, Artygirl (Lisa)
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Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Glad you found us!
There has been a lot of "dying to the old life" that has lead to who I am today. The main one that lead me into the loving arms of al-anon was the death of my marriage.
Anyway, I liked the title of your post and wanted to welcome you to Miracles in Progress. I look forward to hearing more from you.
I think you will find this to be a very welcoming place, I know it has changed my whole life or at least gotten me to get off my butt and change my own life! You have a lot of challenges but you have persevered. Thanks for sharing. I grew up in Washington (don't miss the rain) and I am an HIV case manager (see how hard I'm working right now?) LOL.
Hello Greg and welcome to MIP. This family has been a blessing for so many of us. I know you will feel the love and caring that we have for one another.
My two sons both live in Seattle...One in the Capitol Hill district, and one on the west side on the Sound. I love Seattle; to me it represents freedom and fun. I would live there myself except that I am a hot weather girl, and Seattle's climate would not serve to keep me happy.
I wish you all good things now and in the future,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Welcome to the family. Lots of loving and caring people here. Alanon has saved my life. I am very grateful for the program and the friends I've made in the program. If you get a chance join us in the chat room. I like the others thank you for the new word. I always love to learn something new. Keep coming back your friend in recovery, rosie
I can identify very much with your share. I had survivors guilt about my younger sister in particular (she is an active alcoholic). I am glad you have so much support in your life. I once lived in San Francisco and I think they have a lot of groups there.
