The material presented
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level.
I have to start off by saying I don't care for the term. I've been referred to as a DW, but I don't feel like I've "won" anything. That would imply some talent on my part, when all I've done is show up and be willing. I consider my sobriety, and my Alanon program gifts to be just that - gifts. I didn't win them in a competition, or even a lottery unless there's some sort of cosmic lotto that determines who stays sober and who doesn't.
Anyway... most of the people I know who are active in both AA and Alanon actually started out in AA. As I did. I was exposed to both as a child; my mother was involved in Alanon fairly extensively for a few years. My dad gave AA a try, but did not stay sober and died of alcoholism. As an adult, I never really considered Alanon. When I did finally come to AA and had been sober a little while, I realized I could benefit from Alanon - not just because of my long-dead father, but I was coming to realize my daughter was an alcoholic and addict... as well as my mother-in-law.
My first attempts at Alanon - and even one ACoA meeting - were very uncomfortable. I felt like I was in the wrong room. The people welcomed me with open arms but I still felt like I was the fox in the henhouse, and that being there was disingenuous if not outright voyeurism. I didn't come back again for many years.
When I did come back, I was really hurting. My alcholic daughter was in jail, my alcoholic ex-mother-in-law was dead, I was divorced, and while I stayed sober I felt my AA program was not enough. I'm very glad I came to Alanon and I have stayed a regular ever since, although I've mentioned that I did give up my home group so my girlfriend could join and we wouldn't be in the same meetings. I'm still hoping to find a regular meeting, but haven't given it a lot of effort yet. I get my AA from meetings, and I get my Alanon largely from this board and that works most of the time.
But I don't really think I'm a double winner. However, I do have multiple blessings - way more than two. And I know without my AA *and* Alanon programs, I wouldn't have them.
Barisax, I've heard the term double winner, and didn't understand it for the longest time...lol, until a kind person at alanon explained it to me. I just wanted you to know that I always appreciated a aa/alanon person at my table, it gave me a fresh perspective, or a new point of view. As someone who has never felt any reason to use, I still struggle with the why's of this disease, although I'm coming to realize that my why questions may never be answered, and that I just need to accept that. So although you go to alanon for you, your insight may be of great help to others. grateful
I don't exactly know where the term came from. When I first came to the program I found a lot of difficulty understanding some of the terms. I let most of that wash over me now.
I used to really be puzzed by a lot of the program. I am not so much anymore.
Considering the consequences of being in one program and being noticed as a member of the "other" program and how it affects our service abilities the term might be considered negative....however "...Acceptance is the solution to all of my problems", helps me to be member of both with orgins in the Al-Anon Family group.
The terminology is not difficult to understand. Considering the alternatives of having no membership at all it is never difficult to understand the term "winner". Without the Worldwide fellowship of the Al-Anon Family groups I would qualify as a "whiner". With as much sobriety as I have to rely on the chances are that I will never be consider a "weenie" which might have been applicable when I was trying to keep the alcohol industry rolling.
When I first heard the term double winners, I didn't understand until in the context of the conversation it made sense. Since then I have looked at it as that popular humor these days of sarcasm.............now I look at it as, those who qualify for the benefits of being a members of AA and al anon are so lucky in some ways. sounds crazy, I know, but true in some cases, just like winners can be lucky. They have my respect for their strength and courage to change rather than stay a weak "weenie" as Jerry stated. With their knowledge of both sides of the coin or the fence etc, often their share has more depth, just like an elder al anon member, from the value of more life experiences.
In my f2f meetings, some can quote the 'big' book that I have never seen and it's been very applicable to certain situations - given me more understanding on my part. So as a whiner, I am getting stronger from all here at MIP and f2f mtgs & someday I hope to be a winner too, albeit, a single winner.
just my two cents
ddub
__________________
"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
I always assumed it was a sarcastic remark. It sounds like something my mother would say. But today, I hear it as truth. An AA who has not found alanon is not fully aware IMO. But an AA who has found alanon or an alanon who has found AA is fully working the programs to their benefit and the benefit of all the others they touch with their story. They are winners, not in a competition but in this life. I would rather be a winner than a loser. Not someone else's lable but my own. I have never used the term just because I am not a double winner. But I am blessed.
The other day, right after Thanksgiving as a matter of fact, I caught my regular meeting and sat there so heavy hearted. There had been a speaker meeting the week before so our "tradtional gratitude" meeting had been postponed until that day. I couldn't find anything to be truly grateful for. It was so difficult to say and mean that I was grateful for my home, my health and the likes. All I could say was that I was just tired -- tired of all the the things Aism makes you tired of.
My group is kind -- they have a lot of love -- and they didn't try to make me feel that I should suck it up or be grateful.....only that I should try over the next few days to find something that was in my heart that I truly felt gratitude for.
The thing I came up with was double winners (DW)..... I am grateful for the double winners who let me be a part of their lives and their recovery. There are many reasons why, some that are pretty obvious, you choose recovery and are some of the most healthy people I know. But the biggest reason is that the DWs in my home group have taught me how to call BS - BS when I see it, lol, and not say it mean. They've loved me enough to call me out when I started traveling the route of poor ole me. So often they have been able to hand me the step that I should be focusing on to help me with whatever I'm having a problem with. I guess, the DW in my life have been able to see for me what I wasn't able to see.
So anyhow, for the last couple of weeks -- when I've found it so hard to be grateful -- double winners have kept me going. And you are right, it is a gift Barisax....you and so many others are twice as gifted (and no, I'm not putting you on a pedestal -- my hp is the only one who belongs up there and the only one who won't fall off lol )
I'm a little late to this one, but wanted to say thanks for posting this. I used that term in another thread, but must admit, I was not real comfortable with it myself. (Hope I didn't offend anyone.) It is used a lot in my small town, so I always thought maybe I was just being oversensitive, as some of the ones who use it are AA's who actually don't attend Alanon, but consider themselves codependent/qualified. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who has reservations about the subject. I still don't know how I feel about it though. Oh well.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
(and no, I'm not putting you on a pedestal -- my hp is the only one who belongs up there and the only one who won't fall off lol )