The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Control was a huge issue in the relationship with the A. The more out of control his addiciton was the more he tried to control me. He would even insist when and if I watched tv and he always had some huge saga about what I was doing and what I spent my money on. In fact he never regarded as my money it was his from the moment I earned it.
I am so relieved to be away from his incressant need to control. When he came over to the place I currenlty live he carried on in the same way. I just told him I had had enough. He cant fathom that. I don't really know where he is staying now or what he is doing. He is living off the insurance money from the truck he totalled. I have made it abundantly clear I have nothing to offer him so he doesn't bother communicating with me. I was only good for what he could get out of me.
I have moments when I fantasize about dropping off the face of the earth because he certainly wouldn't notice. He never did notice though because I was just something to project on, blame and use. His addiciton took him down and he still denies it.
I am not willing to be down there in the gutter with him anymore.
Now why would you even contemplate dropping off the face of the earth and who cares if he notices you or not? Not like he is even worthy of the time you gave him just now thinking about whether he would notice or not. I bet there's a lot of other people who would certainly notice! I know I would notice! He is sick, otherwise he would be heartbroken with all the pain he has caused you!
Sometimes i feel so overwhelmed with the debt issue I feel like running. I got a notice from one credit card yesterday they are writing the debt off. I can't get into a payment plan when my job stuff is up in the air. I will have more security next year but this year it has been one long long haul to get to even having a roof over my head (and its a small roof at that one room with 2 dogs and 2 cats surrounded by dysfunctional people!).
