The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In some ways living in the crazy house I am currenlty living in is a great great test of my previous over involvement. One of my room mates just lost his job. He's not looking for another. He put in one applicaiton and says he is going to wait around and see if that works.
In the past I would be on top of someone like him all the itme trying to find him work, showing him how wonderful I am. I did point him to several web sites. He wasn't interested I've left it at that.
I've fixed and people pleased so many times I have dropped myself into such fatigue I can sometimes barely get out of bed on the weekend. Doing nothing when people around me are in a bad way is hard for me. Don't get me wrong I ask him how he is doing. I just don't try to "f-ix him anymore.
I really do want to people please. I feel guilty if I have and other people don't. At the same time I know where people pleasing and fixing got me to this space of povery, emotional overload and more. I have to stand back and do something different. Some of it is dealing with my feelings. I have a lot of feelings mixed up feelings which of course I am not used to dealing with. I used to act on those feelings by people pleasing.
I can totally relate Maresie. I did the same thing and catch myself doing it sometimes even now. Now I ask myself if I am helping or hurting myself by going out of my way for another. It is quite a change to let it all go, isn't it? My father (the A) would tell me I was selfish if I didn't go out of my way to help out, so that voice is still inside my head. It gets better. You are changing so much and looking at your stuff. I wish I could give you a hug. Keep workin it girl cause you're soooo worth it!
Good for you. I am also a people pleaser. I would bend over backward to help and then be bitterly disappointed when no one looked out for me the way I did for them.
