The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm alive, thanks for all the concern! All my kids and I have been sick for the past week plus my youngest turned 6 yesterday and I have been working (with pharmaceutical enhancement) to get enough cash in for the birthday and bills. So, it's been busy times for me lately and today is the first day I have felt human in about a week. Nevermind the fact that I just got back from the dentist and half my mouth feels like a giant tingly marshmallow!
I have had a fairly drama free weekend, except a couple of things. I got an email on an address that I never check and found that my A had been sending all his emails to that address in addition to every other one I might possibly have. In it, he CC'd me a copy of an email from his mom and his reply. His mom said many things that were not flattering but true about me so I wasn't so much offended by that as I was his rant in reply to her. He went on about how I was alienating him from his son, calling me a B**** and a liar. Denying (on his father's grave(which he has lied on several times)) that he asked our son where we are now living. I asked him again just to verify and he was very sure his dad asked. Anyway, I don't like being called a B**** and whenever I am my typical response is... You think I'm a B****??? you haven't seen B**** I'll show you B****!!!! And then all of hell's fury is unleashed. This time I just replied to HER regarding her email to him and blew him off. I also blew off all his calls on my son's birthday which he has been calling and emailing... can I talk to my son on his birthday, can I see him on his birthday? You would think that someone who was concerned about seeing their child would never even consider sending that child's mother a CC of an email referring to her as a B****!
So now it's 2 down, one to go and that's the big one, Christmas. I will be so glad when we get through that. It's getting easier with each passing holiday. I'm wondering if my A might be one of the ones who is going into one of the recovery houses. He mentioned getting into a place in one of his emails and I know there's not a lot available in Wilmington. He's been in a shelter for 2 months.
About a month ago he said he finally got foodstamps and he was sending me the card to help me and the kids. I was looking forward to it, glad I didn't hold my breath. There have been about 20 different times he has emailed about some job he's sure he will get or some place he's going to get into but as far as I can see nothing has changed. Even in his email to his mom he talks about how he fractured his leg helping some guy so that he could make money to send me but yet again I haven't seen dime one!
Anyway, we are all feeling a little better and just glad to have made it through this horrible virus. I was mildly irked by being referred to as a B**** (still am a bit actually makes me want to be more of one). I am done with my Christmas shopping! Even got some things coming for me from Santa ;) I hope everyone else is doing well.
I am doing a 4th step now on my relationship with the former A. The important thing for me to see was I was a b*** according to him no matter what I did. I never could do enough for him, no matter what I did, gave, went without, salvaged, gave more than I should of, it was never enough for him. I recognise that now as his disease. I am so so grateful that these days I do not go out of my way to know how he is. I did before and it cost me my sanity.
I do look at Christmas as a time to get through. I will get through this.
The A will call you every name in the book because he can't look at himself. Don't let him ruin your day. When I feel anger, I try to find something to get my anger out like scrubbing the floor or cleaning the house. One time I was so angry I cleaned the entire house, from top to bottom, in less than 2 hours. Sounds like you are going to have a wonderful Christmas! Keep taking care of you!
Hey CG - I am so sorry y'all have been sick but glad you are getting better. My daughter just had a bout of pink eye a couple of weeks ago and it was bad!!
You hang tough....and ignore all those emails from your ex. Naturally he is going to think you are a "B" b/c you are not giving into his demands. You are an amazing woman and you need to remember that. :)
