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In the last 2 months my AH has spent a week in a locked down detox facility, gotten a DUI, for which he has until 12/19 to get in a Court ordered alcohol tratment program. Last night we went to my office XMas party - very small office, only about 10 people. My boss had told me before hand that my AH was not welcome if he was going to be drinking, which I passed on to him. What's the first thing he did? ASK FOR A GLASS OF WINE! My boss defused the situation by asking him if he wouldn't rather have a soft drink. My boss took me aside later and told me he was shocked at my AH asking for wine and if he had insisted on having some we would have been asked to leave. I've never felt so humiliated and embarrased. We are supposed to go to another party Wednesday night and I;m thinking of not going.
This is where we say "watch the actions" if you really want to know where they are in recovery. I'd go to the Wednesday party without him and have a great time free of worry.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I think I'd go to the party alone. And I wouldn't even feel bad about it. I feel it would be a natural consequence to his actions. Healthy people don't want to be around you when you continually act like a jerk. (My AH just read this and says he agrees.)
If people ask about him, just tell them he's sick. It's the truth. You don't have explain further.
And Christy is right, WATCH THE ACTIONS. When I took this advice from her 4 months ago things started to improve for me very fast. And for my AH too eventually. If we keep looking hard at what they do and not listen to what they say, we do not believe their lies. This is extremely liberating. (Thank you, Christy, if I didn't say it before.)
Hang in there and keep coming back.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Unfortunately the party on Wednesday night is being given by a business group my AH belongs to, so I can't go alone. I don't want to go and be the alchohol police and have to constantly watch him to see if he's drinking. He can go by himself, get drunk, and get another DUI, the way I feel at this point. I've been told by my boss that my AH is no longer welcome at any of our office functions, so you can imagine how that makes me feel.
That was pretty insensitive of him. You told him in advance so he asks for wine as soon as he walks in? Is this as a result of former asenine behavior while drunk at an office function? Pretty sad that he doesn't care how you feel about the situation but A's always only think about A's.
Yes, the last two XMAs parties he's gotten sloppy drunk, which is why my boss said he was not welcome this year if he was going to be drinking. My AH can't understand why I am upset since he wound up not drinking.
How completely selfish and childish of him to ask for the wine. This is your BOSS'S party. Your boss! Does your job not have any value to him? Once again, underscoring the INSANITY of alcoholism. The absolute insanity of it all. Hugs to you, Chetch. I know the struggle you're dealing with. Yeh - no way I'd go to another party with him. No way. Keep working your program and taking care of you.
