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Well just as I thought I was getting on with things, life was going pretty ok, managing my work, college and the house I did not feel the best but was getting there.
Then crash bang wallop the chaos called my aboyf rings up! I had been doing of and the meetings we had were actually fun. I did not have any expectations but enjoyed those brief nice moments.
Anyhow he was supposed to be coming around for sunday dinner and a chat and use the internet a bit which was fine. I then get a phone call saying can he come around earlier. I said no as we had agreed a time and I wanted to stick to it as a friend was seeing me earlier. On this note he went in a mood and started arguing with me and I said well dont come around then, we agreed all week a time and I did not want to change it as it would be putting my friend out. Also him coming around was supposed to be a nice time for us, a nice sunday dinner etc.
Then comes the explosion he told me that he had something to tell me I would not like, and proceded to tell that he had found someone else. I was very angry he told me he needed space from our relationship because he wanted to drink when he was around me. So although I was upset i respected that descion as I thought for once he is being healthy. We have been split about three weeks but with occasional contact he has been meeting her for two weeks but denies an overlap and doing anything with her hmmmmmm!!
I spoke with his mother who confirmed she is an alcoholic in aa with him with 2 kids who does not work and lives in a council house. I guess her status is irrelevant to be fair but i work, no kids and own my own house so I do have some anger about that!
So he lied again he is not working his program but I guess that is his choice. I'm upset because I have been posting here trying to sit with the pain and go through the nastiness of it all and he is doing what he always does and getting a woman to ease the pain. I knew this would happen I even predicted it!
I feel numb and in shock, apprantely she has a crazy ex and family who are all threatning to kill him, I told him he alwayg gets involved in a drama, what about a quiet life? If nothing changes nothing changes he is so stupid he is acting like he is 12!
He still tells me he loves me and cares about me (still dangling the carrot) well let him get on with the freak! I just dont want to know. We argued because of alcohol at the end of the day. He spouts aa at me, tell me my crying is emotional black mail, I'm manipulative rah rah rah. He is crazy I have no respect for him at all he is playing with his life! It makes me feel sick the thought of him being intimate with someone else I hate him so much I could explode!
He is not the person I knew he is an alien, he ruins every relationship he is in he is so weak the anger I feel is tremendous!!!!!!!!!!!
((((((((Chick)))))))))))) I am so sorry you are going through this. What an incredibly rotten thing. Proving once again that alcohol is very powerful and destructive and robs the A and everyone around them of "normalcy". I read in your post many of the same things I hear myself saying - not understanding how he could choose this life of drama over a good decent quiet life with you? I've come to realize (over YEARS of dealing with this) that he would have to step up, man up, and become a responsible person in order to fit into a "normal"life. Practicing A's thrive on the drama, the uncertainess, and the chaos. And isn't it amazing how they can turn it around and throw "program" at you when it suits them? You're in the EXACT same place I was 11 years ago, when I was involved with my A before (I'm just today coming off of being involved with him for the 3rd time!). Anyway - 11 years ago - he was drinking and living an out of control life. I was working, had the house.....yada yada yada. He left me and within a few days had MOVED IN with another woman. I know how that feels. It shreds you. The thing about it is, you've got to realize that right now he is INCAPABLE of having a real "grown up" relationship. Be grateful that he is out of your door. I know that's hard to do right now - but once you get some perspective - you'll realize that. In the meantime, keep taking care of yourself. You sound like you have a lot going for you in your life. Never downplay the work you have done to establish a life for yourself. You are strong and capable of surviving without this insanity. Round3
This sounds like a blessing in disguise! You separated, he met up with an unemployed, alcoholic single mom and you're mad about that? I know I used to think that way. It took a long time to realize that I don't want him that way. He is just going out and finding someone who he is like. We all want to be around people that are either A) like us or B) we want to be like. You are out of his leauge now, you're too good for him.. I know it hurts but at least you know about it now and you don't have to let him take advantage of you for one single moment more!
Well just as I thought I was getting on with things, life was going pretty ok, managing my work, college and the house I did not feel the best but was getting there.