HP's hand? - Al-Anon Family Group

round3 · Senior Member

HP's hand?

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((((Round 3)))))),

I am so sorry this happened to you. But as we all know recovery is and has to be a selfish thing for addicts and Alanoners. It's the only way we survive. It's the only way they stay alive. Give yourself the time and space to grieve for the relationship that was. That's okay. You're doing just fine. Love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Piper Claus

Maria123 · ~*Service Worker*~

((((((Round 3)))))),

So sorry this has happened to you and there's probably nothing I can say to make you feel any better, make the grief feel any less painful.

If you've been around Alanon, you know to get to meetings, as many as you can. Remember that alcoholism wants him more than anything and it will try to claim him as he tries to fight this battle. A's relapse at least a few times before they get it straight finally, for the ones that do and sometimes some A's fall to this disease.

Feel the feelings so you can deal with them and heal from them.

Keep coming,
yours in recovery,
Maria

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

Well you dont' need to respond until you feel like it do you? I know for me when I was with the A I always felt I had to take care of him. Why not for once take care of you. Let all the hurt, anger, disappointment, grief out here.

Alcohol has cost me a lot too, a sister (my younger sister is an alcoholic), numerous relationships, my own sanity at times. I did not loose just a boyfriend in the last year I lost a way of life. I no longer will allow people in my life who Use. I can understand why they do but I don't invite them in in ways I once did. If I meet someone and it comes up that they are using alcohol a lot I let them go. I don't even think twice about it now. I can not go throug that again.

I don't lecture them, demand sobriety I just let go. I can never go there again I know it absolutely and I will not even try. I work super hard on seeing the red flags.

Maresie.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Round 3!!

My sponsors taught me to always tell the truth, so my suggestion is wait a while, "Don't react" (God I love that slogan...I swear it's just the bestest.) and then tell him the truth!! Also I no longer read the future. When I started turning my life and my will and my whole self over to my HP I gave up acting like I knew, just knew, how the future would come out. When I was fortune telling my sponsor use to wait till I was finished and then ask me, "could you be wrong?" I considered responding "No" to that one only once and then of course got real. You don't know how it's gonna turn out. Don't even go there. Turn it over along with your sadness and your gratitude for the long relationship and your recovery and his re-entry from relapse and that he didn't die from the run and all the other things you have to be grateful for. You know or you certainly sound like you know. When I turn it all over I find that there are just about four hundred gazillion alternative that can come to pass, all different that how I just felt and knew would happen. Could you be wrong on how things will come out? Does over mean ever to HP!! I swear my HP doesn't see things like I see them. Every time I say "I think..." I can hear my HP laughing.

Thanks much for your ESH it hit me right in the spirit.

((((hugs)))) smile

round3 · Senior Member

Thank you all for your incredibly profound words. I spent most of the day just numb yesterday - and the rest of it in tears. But I never stopped praying. My prayers were all over the map. I'm sure HP had to be having a good time laughing (Jerry - I can hear my HP laughing a good bit of the time, too!). I could never get what the prayer was that I wanted. And I took some time and reflected on all my prayers concerning this relationship - and realized that every prayer I had sent up had been answered. Also realized that after the prayer was answered, I would change it (clarify to HP what I had actually meant!) and then I would send it back up. So with this most recent prayer for his sobriety and happiness, I have an image of HP going "well....okay......here we go.......but be prepared because you didn't specify how you wanted this to play out." (lol) So here I am today. Part of me is MOST grateful that he may be on a new path to wellness. But my selfish part is extremely sad. I did respond to his email. HP sent me a lot of that grace that I had prayed for, and I put together a mature, heartfelt, HONEST response to him. A response that I am proud of, and that I have no regrets for. It's true that I may never hear from him again - and I'll have to deal with that if it happens. But I realize I can't worry about that. (I needed to hear those words about fortune-telling.) I know I have to hold onto my own sanity and work my own program and take care of my own life. I'm so grateful for this program.

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