The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so very sorry if my last post to my ex's sponsers offended anyone. The co-dependent in me has been thinking that I might have hurt some feelings but that was not at all my intention. I mean, it was my intention to hurt ex's sponser's feelings with what I said. But I was saying it here where they will never see it. I just needed to get it out, my real feelings, as immature or short sighted as they were. And it helped. I still don't have much use for AA's at the moment but AA's in alanon have come to my rescue with words of wisdom and program love that I want to apologize if anyone was offended.
My meeting last night was on the 12th step and peace within. Yesterday I had my session and she actually said to me " Ya know, you have lost everything, you don't have very much support. You don't have your mother, your husband is out of your life, your father is dead, you lost your best friend when her daughter died. You really have no support system." I think I looked at her like she had 6 heads. It is not at all how I feel. Yes, what she said is true,but, I feel more loved and supported than I ever have in my entire life. I had a huge extened family at one point but the love they gave was toxic. My ex was an abusive crackhead and all that goes with that = no real love. My mother is just as abusive as the ex and I no longer see that as anything I want in my life, my choice. My best friend is still my best friend and someday when we are both stronger we will have either a relationship again or closure. And the deaths I have gone thru are deaths, I do not take them as a personal assult. I have family I have choosen, family who love me unconditionally, family that I can call 24/7. Family who will come to a family party and be on time, not critisize me, humiliate me, or try to drive a wedge between me and my kids. I have family who understand, who have seen me at my worst, who know my truth. And they still accept me. I am more blessed today than ever in my life. It is this program, it is you people. It is the 12th step working in my life.
That is my spiritual awakening. I have had many over the years. I guess I went back to sleep. I pray that I will continue to have them. It is where my inner peace comes from. It is still fleeting but it is there. Thank you all for my better life.
I am far more tactful now than I have ever been in my life. My familiy of origin were and are incredibly toxic. I have now not had contact with them for years.Why contact them when all they want is to tear me down. I am rebuilding my life minus the ex. I do not have much but like you what I do have is more than I had before.
You know, sometimes you just need to get it out. I think it is wonderful that this board is here and provides access to such a thing.
You have a firey spirit about you that I admire and you serve as a cheerleader to so many. I want to "listen" to you. It is how we learn and can give back.
You have a reason to hurt and a reason to be mad. Ultimately, I think we all know deep down that our a's are solely responsible, but given thier fragile and immature state they are easily influenced and we want/need to trust thier sponsors.
Hang in there, my friend. We are gonna make it.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Great post and as a brother in support and a grateful qualified member of the world-wide fellowship of the Al-Anon Family Groups I can tell you that there are just sometimes I was justified in telling my psych he was off base, wrong and deserved a reduced fee or a second chance at the relationship. Yes the program taught me assertiveness and humor. I have used both since I learned them and got permission to use them from the program, sponsor and counselor also.
You are sooooo right about families and I was sharing at this mornings home group that the love and compassion, support and understanding I get from the fellowship I never got from my family of orgin intentionally. If I got it at all and I can't remember getting it like I get and give it now. Of course we were not a recovering family. We were about...what were we about? Never did get the license plate of that truck!!
seren, u did not offend me in the least. We all have been there spitting virtriol about one thing or another. You just had to let it all out and its good that you did. This is what this place is for. We love you no matter what flavor you show up as here. Come as you are. And you did/do!! Hugs, J.
dipity))))))))))) just wanted to give ya a HuG
!! 
Take careYOU
