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Just wondered if this is one of those common traits for al anoners or just me? I hate going to sleep, love sleeping but avoid, procrastinate and do anything to keep my mind focused on this board, sollataire,etc. to not go to bed. Of corse the results are sleeping some more during the day and getting nothing done OR functioning with sleep deprivation and try to ward off anxiety & depression.
Resolution seems simple, go to bed!! but I am so anxious lying in bed before I actually fall asleep. I seem to stay up until my eyes want to slam shut so that I will fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. I wake up often with nightmares and new revelations about my life in the present & past and as crazy as this sounds it seems my dreams are in regression of my life - like a review of life from now to childhood. Latest is I'm very small and wake up on a road of red - I had 2 transfusions after tonsils out at age 5 so don't think this is related to violence. I don't know much about dreams other than your sub conscious is working things out perhaps.
If I don't fall right into a sound sleep, I can spend several hours dozing and waking up afraid with leg jerks or flashes of nightmares that make no sense. I can't watch the tv violence and stick to stupid reality shows if anything. I just don't get this as never had this until last couple of months.
At first I thought it was just that I didn't want the day to end if I hadn't accomplished something or didn't want to wake up to another day of accepting our family was affected by Alcoholism or just plain enjoyed the peace of knowing everyone was safe and no chaos happens here between 1 & 4 am.
Maybe it's long term stress for that post traumatic stress stuff but hard for me to believe without going to war or surviving a major catastophe. A doc told me that if I was hyper vigilent during the day, that could also be a symptom of PTS. Perhaps I need to see a doc to get something for sleep - what I have makes me groggy in the morning and can be addictive so I am afraid and rarely take it. I think the doc said there is something out there that lasts 4 hrs, helps get to sleep and addresses PTS. Clonidin, maybe? This was one of my kids docs so need to go see my own. More meds is never the answer to me but thought I'd just see if any of you have any esh on this.
thanks, ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
I take something called Rhovane (Zopiclone). It's really mild, just enough to stop the engine revving at night so I can drift off, and it keeps me from waking up at 4 am and worrying. I also found 20 minutes or so of yoga just before bed to really help with sleep. Get yourself a book from the library, or a video tape (you can always find them at the thrift shop!) adn think of it as a way to look after yourself.
I am definitely sleep deprived, but I don't think it's due to the PTSD. I am about 2 1/2 years out from the last physical battle in the "war" and with the help of Al-Anon and counseling, I think I am over the worst of the hyper-vigilent symptoms. It does take time though. There was a long spell there when I would wake up at 2 and 4 am (for no apparent reason) and have to watch tv for awhile before I could get back to sleep. It was so frustrating because I had never had a problem sleeping through the night before... Be gentle with yourself, it takes time to recover from the trauma that we experience.
These days, I don't know why my sleep schedule is so screwed up. I am separated from my AH so part of it may be the freedom to do what I want to do when I want to do it. I have always been a night owl and I seem to get a strong second-wind at about 9 pm. Makes it hard to get up to go to work when I can't seem to turn off the laptop or the tv til after midnight. I know what you mean about the sleep aides--they make me groggy, but sometimes I don't have a choice.
Sometimes, I think that I stay up out of defiance (against whom, I don't know) or because deep-down I just really don't want to go to work in the morning. Who knows??
What I do know is that I am grateful that it is not because I am afraid of what will happen or that I will have terrible nightmares. Thankfully, those are gone for the most part.
Hang in there!!
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
I spend my weekends trying to catch up but I am constnatly bone numbingly tired. I am hoping this will move when I stop working as many hours. I have a huge commute (3 hours a day) and a very stressful job. I lived ate and breathed stress with the A. I think he went out of his way to show me that he had no respect ofr my need to rest. One of the jobs I had when I lived with him was at night. During the day his addict freinds came and hammered on the doro regularly. He never once todl any of them I needed sleep. Maresie.
I work retail so my sleep schedule is all messed up. One day I work until 11pm and then the next I work at 7am! I can't wait until we get back to normal hours. I remember having those nightmares. It's not uncommon. I have a few tricks that I use to get myself to sleep or back to sleep. I use earplugs because hubby snores and also I can concentrate on my breathing. I read before I go to bed or do a puzzle or play a bit of solitare. I don't drink tons of caffeine. I don't usually have any past 5pm. I do on occasion if my back is bothering me use a OTC pain reliever with a sleep aide in it. I half the dose as I want to be drowsy, not loopy. I don't need any help in that department. If things like this don't help, you might want to talk to a doctor. Having a warm kitty helps too.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Yes, I can relate. For years I use to talk about the "perfect night's sleep." It was something I thought was unattainable. I had my children close together, so for 4 yrs atleast there was someone waking me up, lol. The stress of living with an A. I think for a long while I avoided going to bed to avoid him -- then it became a habit. -5 hrs a night sleep -- hmmm, I still wonder how I managed.
Today, I'm separated and sleep much better. Stress levels are much lower. I'm not avoiding the A at bedtime, lol. But here recently, which is what really drew me to your post, is that I have been sitting up until I nod off then heading off to bed about midnight. It's the beginning of old behaviors for me. Stress from the holidays? The A? Missing my mom, who knows. It's good to be aware of it. Today I know that I can't get by on 5 hrs a night and keep my peace/serenity.
I wonder if your lack of sleep makes your dreams more vivid, so avoiding sleep to avoid dreaming only makes your dreams seem more real? It works that way for me...its just a thought. Napping/dozing doesn't allow yourself the time it takes to fall into a dream state/sleep -- but to be fully rested you need to achieve this level of sleep several times thru out a night.
For me benedryl is enough to knock me out and it's not suppose to be addictive.
I have had sleep problems all of my life. I was also raised in an alcoholic home, connection? I'm sure. I have been taking ambien for over a year. It is a life saver for me. I took melatonin (OTC) for many years before that. It worked great too, except I felt it affected my hormones. I think as my stress levels went up the melatonin stopped working. The ambien has been so wonderful because it makes me sleepy enough to shut my mind off and fall asleep and it keeps me asleep, deeply asleep for 7 hours. I wake up feeling completly normal. And if one of the kids happens to need me in the night, I am awake, no problem, and then I get back to sleep, no problem. It has been an answer to my prayers. I think I have some sort of deficiency though. The only other time in my life that I have slept as well (though not as long) was when I was nursing the babies. I think some hormone or chemical is released that helped me relax. No babies, no sleep. Sounds backward I know. Anyway, the melatonin is OTC and in the vitamin section. It is designed to regulate your sleep cycle, made me sleepy enough to fall asleep but didn't keep me asleep. Good luck, I believe sleep is the most important ingredient to our sanity.
I can definitely relate to the sleep deprivation. Part of my problem is my job which is very stressful, in addition to my home life with the A which is also very stressful.
I find myself staying up later just to give myself a bit of sanity and solitude from the everyday stress. I can't wind down and fall asleep until I have had some alone time for myself. If I don't get my alone time, I am very irritable the next day.
I had never considered that this could be PTSD but it seems to make a lot of sense with what we Al-Anoners face in our everyday life with our A's.
Take Care,
Claudia
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
I cannot even imagine what it would be like to go to sleep at night and then wake up and it be morning. I hate, hate, hate going to bed. I don't really know why. I usually can fall asleep, but cannot stay there. I spend most nights on the couch with the tv on, sometimes fullly dressed. As a result, I doze in and out of sleep. It has been this way for years. Of course my best sleeping time is around 6a.m. when I have to get up.
I rotate benedryl with otc sleep aids and a prescription low dose antidepressant that is used only at night for sleep. Doctor is real resistant to anything like ambien or lunesta for me. Actually, she just gave me a 3 month supply, as if my issues would be solved in that short period of time. Not even close...
My daughter won a new ipod in a fundraiser and is giving me her old one. I am going to load it with meditation and relaxation media as well as some motivational speakers like Deepok Chopra and The Secret. I figure then perhaps I can benefit by going to bed no matter what.
As for the nightmares, they aren't often, but when I have them they are doozies. Wierd stuff. The other night I dreamed I picked a new nose off a platter and then had it sewn on my face. It was only then that I realized it did not fit my face, was big, ugly and weathered and I had a wicked scar all around it where it was sewed on. Now what coud that mean? On second thought, maybe I don't want to know.
As I am typing this my daughter is heading off the bed and just asked, "mom, why don't you sleep in your bed, even when I'm not in it?" I told her I will tonight and she can be there too. Maybe I will even try and cuddle with her. It would probably do us both some good.
Goodnight, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Sleep deprivation seems like a way of life. I work at home after the kids go to sleep, and my 6-year-old son has not slept in his own bed all night for years. Lately my 4-year-old daughter has been pulling the same trick. And my twin bed is definitely not meant for a restful night's sleep for one adult and three children.....
It's weird but I can't sleep unless I have a box fan going full throttle. Started using it as a kid to drown out my parent's arguing and it became a habit. I feel like an idiot toting my box fan into a hotel room but it's either that or risk not getting any sleep because I can't sleep without it. I guess in a way it's not that bad a price to be able to get some sleep.
Great topic. Sleep what's that? I sleep about 8 hrs once a year. I can go to sleep but I wake up really early 3:30 or 4:30 or if I am lucky 5:30. Use to nap when my kids were younger and that saved my life. Since my Ahsober left I usually go to sleep with the radio turned way down or I listen to recovery type tapes. They are a comfort. I think that I fear my own thoughts and I can't turn them off. I have never been a great sleeper even when I was a colicky baby.
