The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am facing a very very lonely holiday season. One thing I am trying to do in it is plan for the future. My worst scenario is that I have to stay living where I am for 2 years, rebuild my credit and really really just dig deep to find resources. That means virtually living out of one room which I am now. If the house I live in stays the same I will just look for support elsewhere.
I know with some confidence I will fidn some kiind of work, support myself, build a support network, build a life and move on. That will take at least 2 years. I have numerous, numerous real urgent needs for medical and dental care. I would try to work that in somewhow. I have no clear idea how now but I think I can do it.
The bestter scenario would be to try to be out of here wihtin the year. I would look pretty hard for another share situation (they are hard to find with the numer of pets I have) and move and then build a life from there.
Whatever way I have to do it I know I can do it now. I have a program. I wish I had time and energy to go to more face to face meetings but I feel awful most of the time (have the flu and other issuea) and I can't. I can barely make it to and from work most days. I do it but I dont' really know how I think my HP carreis me. I feel a bone aching fatigue that never goes away. I keep working on paying my bills, looking for work, seeing support. The weekend is a blur of chores chores chores.
I lived 7 years with the A there was no future with him. There was never any hope, I know that. I lived ate, slept denial. I can look to a time when it will be better for me. when I don't have to work all the itme, when I don't have to wonder when and if I will ever get medical care when I don't worry my tteth are going to fall out because I don't have a dentist.
I can look to a time when I think I survived this rather than slowly, achingly, wondering how I do it make it thorugh it day in day out, one minute at a time.
I am new here...but i do this alot..i get on this site...close my eyes and just let my mouse go on a random post and pray to let me land on something i should read...today it was yours :)..what keeps running through my head as i was reading was how i could relate on the worrying about finances and credit..and hell..even my teeth...really i worry everyday about it to where i want to just vomit i get myself so upset...but back on track...i see in your post u have a plan...you have goals..you have directed yourself on where you want to be no matter how bleak things look right now you have the strength to go for what u want..I admire you and want to be able to do the same in my life...thats the hugest step i feel like i have bricks tied to my feet and i get so overwhelmed and to even think of some sort of future and where to start..ughhh..so i give u so much credit for getting that far...i think once your brain has put a plan into action with lots of prayer you can only move up from there..i wish u the best and thank you for posting..today i look up to u and strive for just being strong enough to want to make a change and a plan..thank u and take care :)
