The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello. everyone. I am here because I am in a relationship with an alcoholic. I suspected he might have a problem with drinking, but I didn't know it was so severe. He said from the beginning that he liked to have his beers, one or two a day. But I noticed him running to the store for something he forgot more and more. He'd always have alcohol on his breath when he came back. He didn't want to talk about it. As we became more involved, he became a little more open about his drinking. Instead of a beer, he'd have a pint of ginger brandy. He's such a great guy(funny and thoughtful) when he's not drinking. But the hard liquor seemed to have a really adverse effect on his temperament. He becomes angry at everyone who ever hurt him and he would pick a fight with me, yelling and saying hurtful things. He loved his car, a 78 Camaro he put a lot of time and sweat into. We were on our way to dinner in September when he crashed the car into the back of a car stopped at a red light. I smashed my head into the windshield. He had been drinking, I think, because he took off from the scene of the accident. He stopped to call an ambulance for me after he stopped panicking, and of course the cops also came and arrested him. He had his car impounded, and now has to appear in court for running away. He lost his job because of his lack of transportation(his job was 2 towns away), and subsequently lost his apartment in November . Through all of this he remained upbeat and hopeful that he could get back on track. He was a love during the day, but at night he was drinking more, crying alot, and his temper flared(verbally abusive). I told him I would support him if he wanted to get some help, but he denied he had a REAL problem. He started hiding his bottles and telling me he hadn't been drinking when I could smell it. Saturday night he really lost it. He was spending the night and I knew he had been drinking because he was getting testy. I told him I didn't want to be around him like that anymore. He said, " Shut your piehole, or I will put my fist through the back of your skull." I left and went to the police station. I obtained an emergency restraining order. He was gone when the cops arrived to serve him. He was staying with a friend of his. He called me back the next day and I told him I had been to court that morning to get a 10 day restraining order. I told him to stay away from me and my apartment. He called yesterday to ask me to bring him to a 12 month rehabilitation program and he finally told me he was an alcoholic. I brought him down today. He was scared to death, and so was I. He asked me to wait for him because he loved me and wanted to get better so he could finally live a normal life without alcohol. He is at a men only Rescue Mission. He can't have any contact with the outside world for 30 days, and will be going to counseling and church for the twelve months. He can only work part time on weekends when he earns it, he will have access to healthcare and a learning center, and they will help him deal with his legal issues. I can't visit him at all, but he will have occasional weekend passes. I am willing to wait for him, but I'm going to need some support , I think. The hardest thing was going home and looking in my bathroom ceiling tiles. While we were talking to the admissions counselor, he came clean with everything and told me he had been drinking in the bathroom when he was over and had hid the bottles there. I looked, and sure enough, there were about 30 Lord Calvert nips, and several pint bottles of ginger brandy. I love him, but I'm scared to death and I'm praying for him.
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Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it, you will land among the stars. Lea Brown
Welcome - this the right place for you, all right.
Looks like you already know some alanon principles - not accepting unacceptable behaviour. It took (and is taking) some of us YEARS to get to that point - good for you.
Who knows if this will work for him - this may be what he needs to get healthy, or it may just be another stop on the long road to the bottom. No matter what happens to him, though, YOU can still be happy.
I'd advise you to read some of our literature - you can buy it from links at the top of this page, or get it from the library, or buy it from ebay or Amazon, or, best of all, go to a face to face meeting and either buy or borrow it there. Face to face will really help you - there are people there who know what you are going through, and understand. If you try to talk to people who don't know about alcoholism, sometimes they look at you like you have two heads!
Feel free to post here, any time. We have live chat, and meetings in the chat room. Read old posts here, too - not everything you read will apply to you, but some things will, I promise. Welcome.
Welcome dawny, you are so right about needing support. I can also tell you, your relationship has an eighty per cent chance to make it, if you both are on a 12 step program.
"Getting Them Sober" Toby rick Drew is an excellent cool book. you will find your questions and answers there.
Also someone will help you find a face to face meeting in your area if you like.There are also great meetings here.
I know you must be lonely for him and scared to death. Please know he has a horrible disease, addiction. All the mean stuff is the disease talking,not him. That fact helped me so much with my husband. I was able to love him but hate the disease.
Wow that is so impressive that he will have support for a year. I hope he gets into AA. It is such a great program. And I hope you will learn the way to make it with him, by learning al anon skills.
Think of YOU and your recovery. You have been treated horribly by the disease, just as he has.
Welcome to MIP Dawny! You will find alot of experience, strength, and hope here. Have you checked out f2f Alanon meetings? They are a big help. You are not alone. You described alcoholism to a "t" in your post. It is a progressive disease. They tell us to detach with love from the disease. Keep coming back!
Hello Dawn and welcome , so u have a year to work on yourself and your own recovery , ihope u will use some of it to attend our program ,get to know yourself ,learn all u can about the disease of alcoholism , forget what u think you know about alcoholism ,learn how it has affected your life and how to fix it . there is nothing u can do about him this is his problem leave it with him , support his efforts at sobriety but look after yourself and your needs, renew old friendships make new one in other words get your life back on track . you ar the only one u can change . good luck Louise
Welcome Dawnie. I've been (and am again) right where you are. While my alcoholic was/is not abusive or angry - his life is out of control because of the drinking. He went through a rescue mission program several years ago - and was sober for a year. Unfortunately - this has been his pattern his whole life. He is currently in another rescue mission. He just marked his one year there - then relapsed over Thanksgiving and is back. This disease will run your life if you don't have your own program (and even then it's very, very hard!). Sounds like he's found a wonderful friend in you - and someone who cares about him. But - keep your eyes wide open. This is a lifetime program - not one that he'll come out of in a year and be "cured". So glad you're here - you've found the right place.
I am so glad you took care of yourself. I spent 7 years with an A recently. I had a lot of the violence, threats, ultimatums, promises, back treads and more. I stuck it out far to olong.
This is a wonderful wonderful place to be. I have been here 2 years, 2 years of doing lots of work on myself. I have 6 months out of the relationship now. I probably have about 2 weeks when I have not spoken to the A, probably 2 months since I have seen him in person. The fact I can't tell you in approximate days says a lot because before I would have known the hours.
For me it is no longer about his recovery (he has none that I know of) its about mine. My recovery is at the forefront of my life. My wellbeing is at the forefront of my life. My future is at the forefront of my life. When I came here 2years ago I only ever spoke about the A ,what he did what he didn't do, how I felt aobut him. I rarely if ever got to talk about how I felt about me.
