The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Feeling depressed, overwhelmed. Time to turn everything over, take step one again and again...discouraged about how hard things feel right now. I cannot quite put my finger on it.
My A seemed to be doing Ok for a few months but now is back to square one. I can tell because he accrues lots of expensive overdrafts in his checking accounts and gets verbally mean towards me.
We are separated by many thousands of miles so this is the only way I can tell: by observing our accounts on-line and through email.
I need to stop thinking about him (god knows he is not thinking about me) and turn my thoughts to ME and taking care of myself through this.
I am trying hard not to be discouraged. Any ESH would be appreciated.
I should be happy, I am going to an al-anon assembly tomorrow for the whole weekend! That is overwhelming to me also but I will remain as positive as I can. J.
I know what you mean about feeling overwhelmed and even not being able to put a finger on what is bugging you. I find that when I'm feeling that way I am on the edge of learning something sygnificant. A whole weekend of Alanon sounds awesome. See if maybe you can find something to do to relax and calm yourself. Maybe a good long hot bath or something.
Yes, getting the focus off him is really a good idea. But one thought that helped me when my AH was slipping badly is that you never go back to square one. Any growth he has had, anything he has learned, does not go away. He may not use it. He may not be ready to get busy, but growth, however small, cannot be undone. If/when he gets sober again he will sort of pick up where he left off and hopefully do even better. At least mine did. He has 102 days right now and is really doing well this time, but has been in the program for 20 months.
So take heart and remember that his progress will not happen on your schedule. Frustrating, I know.
Hope this helps you to put the focus back on you and leave his program or lack of one to him.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
