The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am in a work situation that is very very trying for me. Normally I would totally melt under this kind of stuaiton. I always has teh A to fall back on to a certain extent before. He never listened to me ever about any of my issues. At the same time he was "there" as a physical presence and to some extent we shared expenses (at one time before he totally melted down).
I could go into total victim mode in this situation. I am really trying to make it that I learn something from this. That is beyond the its not fair, people are impossible stuff.
I am trying to look at the tihngs I dislike most about my boss (who is making my life very very difficult) and see what they remind me of. I canbe a nit picking perfectionist snob too. I want to hodl onto that much as she does in omse kind of superiority stance. I can also at times only ever see my view point on issues. Funnily enough the more I am willing to look at what can I learn from this, the less the current situaiton bothers me. I normally let things like this totally swallow me up.
Im putting one foot in front of another about my work situation.
The house I live in is tottally awful. I would love to create havoc there and just run away. That's the story of my life and one reason I ended up with the A, run away and hope to be rescued. If I had anywhere else to go I'd go there. I can't do that as I have responsibilities. I cannot leave my dogs. There's the paracox, if I did not have the dogs I could probably find somewhere else tomorrow (and it wouldn't necessarily be a wise choice). As I have them I cannot simply up and run much as I would like to.
So I am under considerabel stress with both home and work being pretty difficult. At the same time even with that level of pressure/stress none of this even comes close to the kind of stuff the A put me through day and night throughout the whole time we were together. I do not miss that level of anxiety, worry, anger, grief at all. I do not like where I am at at all but I would never go back to him now. He hasmoved too far off into the self destructive hemispehre for me to even consider it anymore. I also has some measure of self preservation these days which I do not think I had before.
compared to when I was with my Awife, my problems/issues, today, can be broken down (simplified) and worked out. it takes me consciously working my program, aware of my behavior, and grateful (humble) to keep things working smoothe. even so, not all my days, hours, and minutes are filled with joy and happiness... that would be great! but unrealistic. my reality is about being content MOST of the time. and my program/skills are what allows that goal to be met.
what have you done just for you, today? i think i'm going to get some dinner and take a hot bath with salts... i got studying to do for a class, but that can wait till my needs are taken care of.
with love peace and brightest blessing to you (family) in the holiday cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
Great recovery post!! What a journey huh? One thing that helped me get thru the negative stuff when I was where you are at now was to practice looking at the stuff I was grateful for. I found out I was addicted to the negative and the suggestion to look at the things I was grateful for brought one huge HUH? from me. Then I got it...balance!! Today I am still out of balance and on the positive side of the scale. I'd rather be happy than right!!
Grateful that I have a home meeting to go to tonight and great recovering family that will be there.
Hi there! I think it's a good idea NOT to be a victim. It's funny, I didn't think about it. I would be like "oh poor me, with all these bad things happening". I definately want to go to sleep with that idea in my head. Nite!
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
