The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I have really been struggling, as in stress at work, feeling down and my Aboyf going back to his own place.
However we are both appreciating the space and I am not there to take his bad mood swings. He is struggling so am I, but I'm pleased to say the time we have spent tog has been really enjoyable and I am grateful for that.
Buttt... I have a tight schedule, work 3 hour twelve shifts, college work placements, assignments, barely a minute to myself. I have been deprived of affection and attention for a long time, the bits I got from A I grasped onto, yes not at all healthy!
A couple of girls I know met people through internet dating so I thought I'd give it a go. Now really deep down I know I'm no ogre, but started getting a bit addicted to the attention and flattery I was getting. It's only been a couple of nights but I stayed up late on the site and hence tired for work next morning spending money on taxi 's to get in instead of bus.
I feel a bit ashamed of myself I am not ready to date, still madly in love with A, I have worked out that this site will be great for future, I know what I have been doing is as bad as over thinking. Its always my pattern dont get the attention from A so go get it elsewhere, when really it should come from within and this programm. Not going on site tonight, going to bed early, eating properly.
The programme does work very much dettaching from A, hence everything I tried to tell him before and he classed as nagging he is finding out for himself. People need to learn through their own journey. I just feel unsettled by my behavious yak!
I think it's called "Awareness" and it's a good thing. It's great that you recognize what is going on and why. It's much easier to deal with now then when you have someone else and have to tell them you made a mistake, you don't want to see them after all.
Keep coming back, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I lost myself in the internet for a while when I lived with the A. I totally understand feeling that deprived. I can only give you my ESH. I work super hard to have space around certain issues. I have a stressful job/shcedule life. I have very very little space around it. I think I try super hard to allow myself some room to not be on a treadmill all the time. I allowed myself no time to socailize. I try to spend time now doing nothing once in a while just to regroup. I need to schedule that in too. I also work pretty hard on not isolating and I must say that is tremendous work. My initial reaction to everything is to isolate. I find it really really hard going to build a support system but I'm determined to do it.
As long as you are aware of what's going on, you're in good shape. I find I can spend way too much time on the Internet as well. Do I really need to read 3 different newspapers online? But I can also find that it can be a bit relaxing to play solitare and clear my mind. The dating will come when you are good and ready. It's proof that this program works when you can do such an honest post. Well done. Keep up the good work. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Read and re-read your post and it reminded me of a great friend I have in recovery who opens her share with, "My only problem is me and my only solution is God." I am mostly the cause of all of my problems. When I want the problems to diminish or go away completely? I stop messing around with my life. This program works, if you work it. Got to any face to face meetings yet? Check the white pages of your local phone book for the hot-line number and spend an hour or so at a meeting with some real face to face people. The internet stuff for me is too bogus. They ain't real until I see the body language.
