The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Our son's birthday is on Sunday. Already I have gotten emails and calls asking if he's going to be able to talk to his son on his birthday. I am really regretting ever letting him talk to him in the first place now. Of course he's going to think he's entitled every time he gets the urge now. I am planning to have a small just our little family party and take all the kids to a movie that day to see the Golden Compass. No calls in the movie theater sorry....
I still have not responded to any emails or answered calls and I wish it got easier with time but it's really not. It has been 2 months since he got out and still no home or job. I think he is sober but who can tell? Anyway, life is good otherwise. The two jobs are working out well. I have things to do, people to do them with on occasion and now money to do it with! Things are pretty good.
Funny, reflecting back I remember upon leaving thinking I was never going to be able to make it on my own. Now it has been well over a year and I'm still making it work one day at a time. I was afraid I would die without him, I couldn't make it on my own, he would kill himself but here we are all still among the living. I am so very happy and rarely have a down moment these days. It's hard to imagine that I ever questioned that I would survive or that I wasn't capable of this!
You can change your mind about letting him have any contact with the kids. That is your decision. He gave up his rights when he decided that drugs were more important that his kids. So, if you have decided that him speaking with the kids is not a good idea, then that is the decision. If you decide to change your mind at some point in the future (say, when he has a job, car, home, licence) then that's fine too. Just imagine he wasn't their father, would you let him near your kids? Well, he hasn't been their father in a long time. Keep them safe, keep you safe and have fun with your son on his birthday! All he is going to do is stress you and bring the kids down because he is refusing to be an adult and they aren't going to get that. I am comming up on 2 of my kid's b-days. This will be the first year (not counting the year he was in the mental ward for 3 weeks) that he won't be there. And because of the RO he will not call either. What a blessing to focus completly on my kids and have fun without the worry of him, his sobriety and his abuses. My little family is going to CELEBRATE! And I know that there will be a certain spot in both kids that will miss him on that day. But they are old enough to understand that he has made his decisions and not only do I not approve, the law doesn't approve either, hense the supervised visitation once every 2 weeks. CG he doesn't want to talk to them for their sake, it's only for what he can get out of them. He's not dumb, he's sick. Not like "oh poor sick guy" sick either.
Today I got a call from the A and it was on his old number meaning he somehow paid that bill.
I wanted to compliment you on how far you have come. I remember when you were still so concerned about him. I think its a long long long way to come to not be overinvolved. What a gift that is.
I am now where near a year out from the A yet. I have months to go. Some days appear very very hard for me. The credit, the job, the place I live. You have come so so far in moving and working on ways to take care of yourself.
