The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I feel like I am transitioning from leaving the A to having left the A. I have so much up in the air, job, home, finances, health, dental, vision, isolation.
There are moments when I can be at peace, I walked my dogs last night a long long walk for them. For once I did not feel weighed down by the bombardment of fear and worry and anticipation. I am trying to reach out and build a support system. I don't do that well at it. The house I am liivng in is falling apart under the abuse by one person(the landlord refuses to evict him or rather he ducks the issue).
My job is a nightmare. I have a boss who does not like me and she lets me know it daily (I have been here and done that daily). My days are numbered here. They have a company wide lay off on the 21st. I have to find someting to bring in funds for a week and a half. After that I may or may not be here for a few more weeks but that's it.
I am incredibly isolated. The people in my house just isolated and shut down the traditional way to deal with abuse.
I have no freinds anymore. I reach out make one and something happens. It generally isn't anything to do with me. I made a friend online. we have so much in common, she is absolutely totally involved with her children and has no time now to speak. I totally and absolutely understand that. I was there 7 years with the A.
I reach out, rebound, reach out again, keep getting up. Some days I feel like I cannot put two feet together, other days I feel like I make progress.
I know without quesiton I will never go back to the A now. The price of his alcoholism is too high. Normally I speak to him weekly. I've avoided doing it. I have nothing to say anymore. I am tried of his bitterness and sarcasm. I am also tired of his lies and justification. He will never say sorry, never.
At the same tiem I have no idea where I am going, how I will get there, what I will do or how I will survive at all. I know I will survive. I have already survived so much. But I dont' know how or when or what I will be.
Quote: At the same tiem I have no idea where I am going, how I will get there, what I will do or how I will survive at all. I know I will survive. I have already survived so much. But I dont' know how or when or what I will be.
I don't think any of us can know what will happen or how it will happen. Again, I will say if you have a plan and hold on to the vision you automatically work toward it and seek it out. Life need not be just survival.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Maresie, I know you are experiencing a lot of uncertainty but is there some way that you can look at this as a gift? What is good about having nothing and no one? Its like being water as opposed to a rock. Or air instead of a big rooted tree.
I get to do whatever I want whenever I want with whomever I want. I do not need to check in with anyone, I can just make decisions alone and proceed to do whatever i decide. I have no furniture, not many clothes, etc. I have no obligations and few responsibilities. I do not need to care for anyone except myself. If decide to head off to china tomorrow, I can!
I have lots of friends with kids and husbands and massive mortgages and bills and in laws and jobs who are envious of me, believe me.
HP has placed you exactly where you need to be. Try to see the goodness of this, it has got to be there and keep steering by this star.
