Hi All,

Not sure where I am going with this, I just have some random thoughts I need to express.

Took my older two to family counseling and then ran some errands today, and you know what? We had more fun than we have had in a long time! Awesome young counselor whom my son loves because he is cool and my daughter likes because he is cute. LOL! He was able to get them to talk about thier feelings in relation to divorce and the waiting process. Then he gently and matter of factly talked about alcoholism and how it is a family disease. Daughter tries to take care of dad and pull him into family, son is trying to protect dad and not pressure him. Conflicting views cause conflict among them. The counselor discussed the term "enable" and why not to do it. It was really great.

Got home and my son, all by himself, with no prompting from me, took the groceries out of the car and even put the milk in the fridge. This is HUGE! He then went and did his homework with no hesitation. When I asked my daughter to bring in the trash cans, she said "okay". Yes, I have reason to celebrate these small things.

Since ah started the Diversion Program he is incredibly busy and we no longer see him much during the week. Thus, the kids are getting anywhere from 1-3 hours more of sleep per night. That combined with the fact that everyone (me included) is not agitated waiting for his arrival have taken the anxiety level way down in our house. Something I didn't even think possible a week ago.

Been praying ferverently for sign of hope, knowing I have to give it all up to God. As I read in Courage to Change, I imagined wrapping my ah up in a blanket and handing him to God. Ah is still distant and cool, but I am moving toward detachment, though not quite there.

I am discovering how recovery is truly a process that we must allow to develop over time. Knowing what ithe "right" thing to do cannot influence or force an action or attitude. It must come from within, with the support of al-anon and all the wonderful friends it consists of.

I have also been praying for a sign that our financial situation will not take a dive since my ah is so busy and must now work limited hours. I've been hoping for $1000 "just because", hoping for that insurance refund or to win a sweepstakes. Well, yesterday my son received a belated b-day gift in the mail from my sister. Tucked in the card was a check for me for $1000. Let me just tell you that this would have been the absolute last source I would have expected. I just started bawling. God, my HP, has his arms around me.

My youngest, who is 3, has become attached to a football and a small plastic hanger. The football is his "baby" that he carefully nurtures, and the hanger, well, it is his fire shooter. Why I am telling you this? I have no idea. It is just precious and makes me realize how sweet and innocent the world can be. Also, when I feel down and think of how my ah cannot give me what I want, I need to kiss the sweet faces of my kids and remember that I already got the best of him, not doubt about that. 

As a result of all this, I decided to change my avatar. I no longer feel like a raging, screaming child. Of course, I got caught up in a search for the "perfect" one. LOL! I finally just picked one, with the criteria being happy and uplifting to me.

One of the things I really appreciate about this board is that I can post these positive feelings tonight while knowing that I may feel completely different tomorrow and it will be okay to post those thoughts too. It really is one day at at time.

Blessings,
Lou

-- Edited by Loupiness at 02:37, 2007-11-30