The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I learend today that I am going to leaving this job I have been in for almost 8 months. They are going to let me go. I may not be here beyond the end of this week. I have really super struggled at this job as teh commute is horrendous and the woman I work for is horrible. I have also been doing a second job and I am almost in the ground with fatigue. I will get unemployment but I don't know how much it will be. I will be ok till the end of the year.
The issue for me is that I am worn into the ground after a year of terrible issues. I left the A with nothing, I had to leave most of my stuff behind. He basically then held my dogs to ransom for months. I didn't feel I could turn my back on him as long as he had the dogs.
I barely had work for months I made minimum wage. I tried to get my truck from him, he smashed it. I tried to go the legal route to get the truck from him. I got nowhere.
I moved to a horrible house with really selfish people. The landlord there offered me a place (much much smaller) in a house that is if anything worse. Living there is one long nightmare.
Meantime I am horrendously in debt credit card bills in the thousands. I pay what I can but it is never enough. I have barely squeaked by. I am incredilby isolated and after years of living with the A have noone.
When I got this job it was so helpful to have a little tiny bit of money and to be able to pay my bills. It comes with its cost though. The commute is horrendous. I get up at 5:00 a.m I don't get home till 7:00 p.m. then I take the dog out for a few hours. After that I try to do some work on the 2nd job.
It isn't as though hoje is a source of peace for me. Home is a place where there is constant chaos, fighitng and insanity. I feel absolutely drained to the bone.
I also feel totally exhausted and today I could barely stand up when I got out of bed.
There are some day slike this one where it is all way too much. I don't see an end to this constant unending struggle to survive.
How bout a grateful list? Instead of focusing on the bad stuff, focus on the good. No, the people you live with aren't great, but you aren't homeless, in a shelter or on the street.. After months of worry, you finally have your dogs safe with you. You aren't jobless and at least have some income. Your aren't being destroyed by your A, you are free and have unlimited possibilities.
Who knows? Maybe being let go by this job will be a Godsend. You hate the commute anyway. Perhaps this is a great opportunity instead of a bad thing. It's all a choice as to how you would like to see it.
I think focusing on all this bad stuff can surely play a part in keeping you where you are. We sometimes miss opportunities when we don't Think Big!! Dream Big!! Then hold on to it.
What do you want? What will it take to get there? Are you doing the footwork and walking toward it no matter what? Keep your head up and eyes open for people and circumstances that can help your situation. Consider where you are just a stepping stone to your way up and out.
If we are consistantly looking down at the ground we can't possibly see a open door or window.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am so sorry for the bad things going on right now. While I know sometimes it is sickening listening to the "positive" stuff when we get so down I do think Christy has the right idea. Maybe this is HP's help for you--getting you out of a bad job w/ a bad a commute--gas is getting to be so high maybe you will be able to find a job closer to home. You might also be able to find a job doing holiday help for some place. That will give you some more income and might even turn into something longer term.
The rays of light is my dogs. I don't know if any of you have lived in a situation where you can't go to the bathroom because there is someone in there screaming all the time, the same goes for the kitchen. So I am basically paying rent for a place where I am maroone din my room. I've given up using the kitchen because its not worth it. That means when I am at home I'm there in my room all the time. I have to go in and out the back gate because I never know if the woman upstairs will be out there making a scene. If I leave the dog dish in the backyard she puts something in it.
I go to work with someone who is nasty, mean, bad tempered and nothing is ever right for her.
I took that job because basically I was desperate to get beyond the minimum wage. That was all I could get. Yes I can certainly get work the issue is I can't pay the huge cedit card bills I have. I'm going ot a consumer credit cousnelling agency about it. There is another issue to that because of course I won't be able to do that tomorrow because my boss rips my head off if I'm gone more than 15 minutes. I've been here 8 months had 3 days off all fro emergencies.
I knew it was going to be hell when I left the A. I knew it. That was one of the core reasons I put up with him.
I don't see much light right now. I can only work so much. I get about 5 hours of sleep at night if I am lucky. That's a good day. Right this minute I feel pretty dizzy I don't know whet her its because I am ill, fed up, exhausted, overhwhelmed or what. I do know I am human and somedays I simply cannot see how I can keep on doing this.
this is awful and I do feel for you, it can be awful to have no job security, I know exactly what thats like. At the moment am on holidays but wait for it the safe has broken with my and my sons passport inside and we have been waiting almost two hours for the safe man to fix it, even on holidays its turning into bull, I also know what it is to work for a pain in the butt, I too am that soldier, things will get better, at least the safe acted up now and not on saturday morning when we needed to go home,
Maresie, your post concerns me a lot. I do think that perhaps creating a list of priorities may help like what is your number one issue that is going to bring you the most relief if it gets solved the fastest?
The consumer credit idea is a really great one. Since your job is kaput (which may be a blessing in disguise even though I know you need the money: never ever lose faith that when a door closes another opens) who cares about your nasty boss- go and meet with these people (make sure its a REAL non-profit with consumer credit counseling as its mission) asap.
The housing thing can change if you choose that as your first concern to address. there are lots of good room mates out there and good housing situations. You do not need to live like this. Craig's list is a good place to begin. I rent a room, too, but its turned out to be great for me- through craigslist. org
You do have options but I know so well how hard it is to see. I know you feel ground down into a little nub. I know this feeling so well, the exhaustion, the dizzying feeling (I had vertigo for over a year after I left my A and was literally falling down some days, it was so horrible) and I know you will make it and pull through. I believe in you.
There may be some way to incorporate your dogs into your work somehow. Are they really friendly dogs? Are they good with kids? with other dogs? Here are some ideas (which you could discuss briefly in your f2f group after or before the meeting, they will help you network- mine does): babysitting/child care outings with your dogs (to the park, etc.) dog walking/house-sitting with dogs? If your dogs are your light, let them help you and guide you- it may be your HP working through them. Just some ideas. There are many many people out there who are desperate for good pet care and have more money than god to pay for it.
In theory the landlord says he is going to get rid of the problem people. He says he is. He has with other places. The issue is he takes forever to do it. In the meantime everyone lives in absolute hell.
I get so angry sometimes because everyone but everyone ganged up on me about why didn't I leave teh A. I knew this was what I was going to. I have tried the craigs list thing. I have not got very far ith it. There is a possibility I will int he future. The credit issue is the catch 22 have bad credit its hard to rent. I also to top it all have an eviciton on my record thanks to the A and his merry band of drug fiends.
I'm not killing myself at this job. At the same time it gave money to live. One of the only reasons I live on such a low low low level is that if I do get unemployed I'm not going to be homeless. That's about it.
I knew it was going to be crushingly hard to leave the A. I knew it was going to be sheer hell for a while. There is no question it is. The other issue is I feel awful, really totally drained to the bone. I am absoltuely totaly exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for a year.
Yes I can find another job but its hard at Christmas I was hoping to have a little time. I don't. yes I've got a roof over my head of osrts. I just can't go to the bathorom or the kitchen because I don't know what I'll find there. I also can't go out the front door either.
Yes I have my dogs. I am eternally grateful I have them. I love them so so so much. I spend about 2 hours a day walking them and telling them I love them.
I just don't see a way out from under this. I can work with the credit agency and get my payments down. At the same time my credit will be trashed. What am I supposed to do live like this for 7 years??
Maresie, yes, i know how the bridges get burned when you stay with the A's: credit (mine is also in the dumpster), bad rental histories, legal problems, tax problems, etc. I know you will over come and rise above all this and prosper. YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH, I DID. There may be a social service agency or church who can help you find a quiet calm place for you and your dogs. A women's resource center can help- some homelessness agencies may be able to help, too. Your F2F may be able to help- I know a woman who found a great house-sit for herself and her dogs for 3 months through her al anon group which gave her enough breathing room to get a grip and work out some things. Do no lose hope- REACH OUT if you can. Do not isolate, get some help.
RE: credit: yep, our credit gets trashed. So do a lot of other peoples. People are in debt up to their ears these days and lots of people have bad credit. Some would say its the american way, sadly. One of my friends said that bad credit is not the end of the world. It can be healed just like anything. You will gain back your good credit. So will I. In the mean time we need to get some other stuff taken care of- one step at a time, one day at a time. Its going to be OK. Bad credit is not the end of the world and it can be repaired.
well the catch 22 is that if I did not have the dogs of course I would qualify for all the stuff. Unfortunately I do have them or fortunately I do have them. I am stuck.
I would need to move out of the area to get somewhere and then yes my credit is trashed so I'd have to find the backdoor somewhere.
the thing with me is when there are mutliple stressors it is too much. I have been covering for one person for 4 months. She has come back to work, she shows up at 11 and leaves at 2:00 p.m Today she did not come in at all.
Don't get me wrong this job paid well but the stress and the commute are incredible. I also have no one but no one to help me with the dogs. I asked the A a long time ago and go tthe huge list of resentmnetns from him about how I did him wrong.
Sure in time I'll find all this stuff. Sure in time the horrible mean, incredibly insnae room mate is going to go. Right now I am totally worn out and fed up and broke and alone.
I knew it would be like this to leave the A.
The A is living up with his uncle. He does nothing. He needs to do nothing. He got a thanksgiving dinner. He gets support, encouragement, love and understanding. What do I have a place to lay down with crazy people surrounding me and no rest at all. I can't even go to the bathroom sdomedays because people are out there screaming their heads off. I can't use the kitchen because the self same crazy people are out there screaming their heads off. The landlord goes thorugh the motions. He does very very little.
then I go to work after barely getting and am asked to do multiple jobs and then bawled out for it all the time. Sure I can detach, I do detach but detachment goes out ohe window eventually when the stress is absolutely crippling, not able to go to the bathroom not able ot use the kitchen, not able to breathe.
Lovely life. No wonder I never wnated to leave the A.
I am so sorry you are in a low spot. Just remember that we care and we are here for you. Living with the A caused you heartbreak and ruin. You are out, you are taking all the steps to be a responsible adult. The A is still playing his game for all it's worth and it will come crashing down on him eventually. And when it does, you will be ok. You will be better than ok, you will be debt free, with people and animals who love you. What you are doing right now is hard but the reward being YOU! The you YOU want to be! This will get better. I have told you before how much you inspire me. Honestly, there are very few people I know who would start over, rebuild their lives without taking others down in process. Most would have given up, declared bankrupsy, used their friends and family, caused chaos with their drama. Feel good that you are doing it. Credit councling sounds like a good idea. Even bankrupsy (sp?) Takes less than 7 years to clear. My ex MIL bought a house 3 years after declaring and my best friend bought her home 1 year after declaring. So you made some mistakes while dealing with an A. Who hasn't? You won't pay for it forever. Keep moving forward. Hug your doggies!
I am so sorry life is so difficult for you right now. My hope, prayer and suspicion is that your HP is looking out for you, and freeing you up for a job that is more fufilling and closer to home.
Since your animals bring you happiness and peace, I wonder this... do you have any veterinary hospitals close to your house? I know in our area they are frequently looking for employees to work in the kennels. The job usually involves feeding animals, walking dogs, cleaning cages, doing laundry, possibly giving meds, etc. The shifts are usually 3-4 hrs long, early morning, evening, some weekends, thus you wouldn't have to leave your pets for too long. Also, many places provide employee discounts for veterinary care
Just a thought... Sometimes we have to think outside the box and consider possibilities we never have before. I know that is what I am doing and it is scary! But, it is also necessary for me in order to fathom being able to move on.
You may also want to consider placing an ad for a place to live offering pet sitting in exchange for lower rent, or just as a perk for having you as a tenant. Yes, you plan on working, but sometimes folks just want to be able to travel and know their pets can be cared for at home; you don't necessarily have to be there the whole time. Private individuals (who've never been burned) may not even think of pulling a credit report, and in your communication with them if you sound confident and responsible (not mentioning your history or the A) they may have no reason to.
Maresie, your genuine, kind persona rings loud and clear on this board. I believe with every ounce of my being that you are gonna get through this. It sounds to me as if you had a decent living arrangement all would be much more tolerable. Holidays or not, perhaps housing can be a priority now that you are not working as much?
We are all pulling for you. You've come a long way and although you are not anywhere near where you want to be right now, you still provide much inspiration and hope. You are a strong woman. Hang in there!
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
