Sometimes when I look at people around me outside of the program, I get the feeling that I'm looking at the "other side".  Those people who have been fortunate enough to have gotten through life so far without a significant alcoholic in their lives.  They don't have the isms, they don't seem to be all stressed out trying to compensate for the giant sucking black hole that an active alcoholic creates.  An event horizon that spreads far beyond immediate family. Yes, these people seem to be pretty well adjusted and unaffected by alcoholism.  So do I envy these people?

Actually, I don't.  One thing I've learned is that things are not as they seem.  Most of the people I know outside the program don't share a lot about their personal lives.  Sometimes I hear a few hints dropped.  I honestly don't think any of them are that far away from an alcoholic... and perhaps they aren't as far away as they think.

Granted, having an alcholic uncle or cousin or old friend from high school that lives in another state isn't the same as having an alcoholic spouse, parent, or child under the same roof.  But the ripples do come through, in one form or another.  It's what I call "Alanonanon".  Alcoholics affect those closest to them directly, and those close to them who develop the codependent, compensating behavior we are all too familiary with affect others around them.

Ok, so you've never loaned money to an alcoholic.  But what about your sister, whose alcoholic husband cleaned out her bank account - and you loaned her money?  Just an example. 

Six degrees to Kevin Bacon?  I think even the most pristine of the "earth people" are no more than 3 degrees from an alcoholic.  If I had to make a guesstimate, I'd say that 25% of the population of the United States is one degree from alcoholism.  That means they have an alcoholic in their immediate family - spouse, child, parent, sibling - or in their circle of friendship - or within their close circle of co-workers, co-students, or whatever. 

I have just been musing about all of this... my girlfriend is not an A, her parents were not, nor were her previous husbands, nor are her co-workers.  She's hanging out with me (sober A) so that right there puts here at one degree, but as I've discovered, she was already there - after seeing some "hey y'all watch this!!" behavior at a large family gathering.  LOL.

I've qualified myself for Alanon by way of my father, daughter, and uncle... but in a way, I'm even more qualified by my mother and my ex-wife.  Neither are alcoholics, but both of them developed all of the isms... and passed them on to me.

As to my coworkers... yes, they all seem squeaky clean at first but once I get to know them, I find they are really no different from me.  Well ok, they are different in one important way: I have my Alanon, and AA program.  That doesn't make me better than them, but it does give me a clearer view of who I am.  I always loved the AA promises, but in particular, "We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us".  Which I find myself not only applying to the alcoholics, but the rest of the so-called "normal" world as well.  Without my program, I found people who seemed to have their act together to be intimidating - I felt inferior to them.  Now I realize I was comparing my insides to their outsides.  And even though it's none of my business, I'd be surprised if none of them have ever been touched by alcoholism somewhere in their lives.

Barisax