The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The more I pull away from the A the better I am able to discern who can and can't meet my needs. I live in an insane household where everyone is afraid, enmeshed and every single day is total chaos and confusion. There is abolutley no doubt for me that there is no one there who can meet my needs. This situation so reminds me of my childhood. i spent decades trying to get my family to meet my needs and acknowledge me as a separate individual. I never got anything but grief for it. It seems to me now that I spent a lifetime spending decades trying to get people who could never meet my needs to meet them. I was chronically angry, grief stricken and fed up that the A never saw me as a separate person . The first Christmas I spent with him I could have seen that but I was powerless to know.
So now I have the task of actually being willing to take myself seriously rather than re-enact and re-enact a past where I got nothing at all but grief, resentment and more rexentment. I can't say I like it. I met someone recently who can hear me. I have a very very high comfort level for enmeshment, discomfort and chaos I have to learn a better way to be. Everything begins with me.
You're so right it begins with you and not only that but you have to come to accept that YOU are the only one who can meet your needs. As long as you're looking for someone else to meet them you'll just find disappointment. Good think recognition is the biggest part of the battle. Now you just have to catch yourself looking to get a need met and figure out how to meet it yourself. Then you're SET!
so true you have to meet them yourselves, sorry about the insane household, I have to travel at present and live cheaply when doing research and have to stay in some unsavoury places with insane people, learning to cope with it but it aint easy, you are doing well, I admire you because I know how hard it is with pets,
