The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I don't know why the holidays have to be so particularly difficult, I remember last year I felt sooo guilty that I didn't want the A to come over. For those of you who remember, he was extorting me with signing the papers on the house. It was hell, I didn't invite him for our son's birthday party and Christmas was ok but I think would have been better without him. He was a homeless bum then and guess what? He's a homeless bum now! Why do I feel the tingle of guilt that I am making him be alone for the holidays by not letting him come infringe on mine? That I'm the B**** for not letting him see his "babies"? I should have not even a tinge of guilt after the hell he's put me through for the past 8 years and the last year in particular. I just don't want to have anything to do with him anymore. I feel bad for his son (not for him) that his dad behaves and chooses to live this way by making stupid decisions. I guess my guilt is my bad choices which affect my kids more than pity for the A.
By the way, I put the block on my home and work emails so hopefully that will put an end to me having to see the oh poor me and the threatening emails and I am also not answering any calls from any unknown numbers. I just have to get the kids to do the same and we are all set.
I will be very glad when January comes and I have made it through this time. Last year I gave in even though I didn't really want him with us this year I refuse to do that!
Reminds me of the quote, "Never doubt in the darkness what God has revealed to you in the light." Sounds like you've come to some firm decisions about what's best for you and your children. Feel good about that; you're not powerless there; you've taken initiative and set a course in a new direction, away from the horrors of the past. That's a good thing to give thanks for on Thursday!
I have given up on Norman Rockwell. He painted the ideals of America, not the realities. No one has to live in delusion if they're willing to live in reality. You can handle the holidays however you want. You can be whomever you want on the holidays. You already have a head up on who you are as a recovering individual. You're doing great.
a lot of grief has come up for me around the holidays. I am upset about my lack of judgment. I am upset about being manipulated. I am upset that I am poor and "stuck". I am upset that I put up with him for so long. Hindsight is always 20/20 I try not to beat myself up. At the same time why did I go on trying when there was nothing to try for.
Last night I talked to a friend for a few hours and a lot of it was grieving. I just want to spend time on my own alone this year. I think its perfectly acceptable to pull back.
I honestly feel about 1/100th of the guilt I felt last year although I have gotten more emails, I don't understand, I thought block meant block. Anyway, I have a vision of my holiday, sitting around eating whatever we want, watching movies, putting up the tree, no stress. Hopefully that's how it'll go!
CG, if his email address is in your address book, the block may not work. You may have to remove it from there first. Just a thought.
I'm so glad you are doing so well.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
