The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My mom used to spout of this Alanon slogan long ago when I would talk to her. I got pretty tired of the "lessons". But I knew deep down she had wisdom so I filed the things she said in my mind and went on with my life. Now it's eight years later and I'm in Alanon and trying to get my life back together.
And this weekend I was hungry, angry, lonely and tired. I was badgered and told how bad I was all weekend. I could not even ask my A to go out to eat without a fight. So I called my sponsor today and I said, Sponsor, this is ridiculous. I am exhausted from dealing with this garbage. And I am going to rent a car and go look for a car for myself. (This has been an issue I have been trapped in the house for a couple months with no transportation except on his one day a week off.)
I work full time at home but had to walk to the store which is not far but hey you can't carry groceries home that way unless your buying a few things. I live in a very small town where things are spread out. Meetings are on one day a week I can attend if I have a car or get a ride.
So today i went car shopping. I found a couple but the price was too high so I will look again in the morning before I have to take the car back to the rental place. It felt good to do something for myself and not worry about the A.
My sponsor praised me for taking back my power and doing something positive.I have a long way to go though. I have to set boundaries now like I have never before. It will be hard on me but harder on him. I'm going to gather my strength and form my plan and be confident as I get on with my life.
My A made a joke tonight. We were watching Heroes and Journeyman and those two shows have time travel in them. Due to the writer's strike of course the Daily Show and Colbert Report are reruns. So during the CR they said it was March 20, 2007. So my A said, "We must still be in the time space continuum and traveling since it's March 20th. Therefore I am truly sorry for all my bad behavior and beg your forgiveness for the next 8 months". My reply?
"Is that your way of apologizing for the bad weekend?" He got that look he gets when I say something that he does not like. And I quickly added, "Oh it's March 20, 2007 I said that". He got calmer and never said anything more.
Welcome to MIP... My mom also was in alanon when I was younger... although I didn't pay much heed to what she said at the time, enough rubbed off to know where I needed to go when I really hit bottom. I thank her for that.
Halt is a big thing for me right now... wife still drinking and raging at me, divorce going on... trying to quit smoking... and I really have to pay attention to taking care of myself, or I get really GROUCHY!
Thank you for posting and hang in there... as they say it works if you work it, and you are worth it.
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
