The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A BF started distancing from me. I give him plenty of space and I never ask for anything. It dawned on me that this is my life too and I want someone who has both feet in a relationship, wants to work things out, and doesn't bail at the first sign of discord. So, I asked for what I wanted. I was told to have a nice life. Deep down I knew something was awry. That was part of the reason I asked because I knew something was going on and he wouldn't talk about it. I'm glad I asked because I would usually go without asking for anything for the next two years. And, as I reflect back, he never once asked me a question about myself, other than wanting to know how much I pay for rent. I am glad I asked for what I wanted instead of stuffing it deep down.
It is still very hard though huh? I relate to your A never asking questions. I remember all of them. All two. "How are you?" HE came home one time and said that. I said what made you ask that??? He said his counselor suggested it...
The other question: "do you read the whole paper, or just pick certain things?"
Oops and he did come in, took his hat off and asked me to marry him.
So sad, he had NO idea how to start a conversation or ask a question.
Anyway good for you for paying attention. I hope you find serenity, allow yourself to heal and move on. Isn't it sad how we won't ask for what we want, then in a fight say,"I didn't do anything, I have never asked for anything!" Like that was a good thing.
So now we will be clear to ourselves what we want, and we will be sure not to take less. Lord knows we give and want to fulfill.
Hugs hon, sending you softness when ya hurt. love,debilyn
Thank you for your kind words. Yes, it still hurts. However, I can't repeat old patterns. I feel optimistic about my future and know that I will meet the right person for me. I am so very grateful for having a family in Alanon.
You did very well. The hurt may be there for a while, but at least you can go foward. If you have to give yourself time to grieve for what was. That's okay. You're doing just fine. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Awesome, Hon. Nothing changes if nothing changes, right? You are being the change you want to see. I'm so happy for you.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
