The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I read two posts this morning where the action mentioned to get rid of the A was to "send him home to his mom". I know this is just desperation talking to get rid of him. Moms can't handle your A any better than you can. If she could, she would have by now. She didn't cause it, she can't control it, she can't cure it. Right?
I think it's pretty common to go back where you came from when there is a seperation. In order for anyone to do that Mom has to say "yes". Mom has choices, she can choose to say "no".
Christy
-- Edited by Christy at 09:26, 2007-11-16
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
My A has refused to go back to his mom and chosen to stay at the shelter instead. He had the option open for a few weeks but now that's gone. A and mom's boyfriend don't get along at all because of A's prior behavior. Mom always jumps in to enable him in every way possible tho and I think in reality he resents it. I think it is natural to go to mom and dad when there's no other choices. Like Christy said, mom can always say NO.
For some folks sending the A back to their family sometimes seems like a final option.
In some families of origin enabling is very huge. If as a spouse I were doing everything not to enable and the parents, siblings, aunts etc of my A were continually enabling I could see how I would feel as tho I were bashing my head against a wall. In that instance I would sure as heck want to say, "&*%* it, go back to your Mama".
Not all families are enabling and then if I were at a point with the A where I just could not do it anymore I would leave.
When folks get to the point where they have had it frustration comes out. Sometimes they mean it, sometimes they don't. I know that my partner is the largest enable of my stepdaughter. When I come to the point whereI am done I will leave and the two of them can continue in their illnessess.
Most importanly take best care of you my dear.
lilms
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Two things: 1. Recovery is a process, not an event.....and.... 2. You only get to go around once. Leave em laughing and make it worth your while
