The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
this is my first post. i grew up with an alcoholic father and ended up marrying an A too. he's a doctor and drinks 1-2 bottles of wine after work. he promised to quit after we had our baby, about a year ago, but the drinking and isolation in his home office has continued. I used to drink occ. but was never addicted. since i no longer drink, i find that i can't tolerate this dysfunction. he minimizes his use, the effects that it will have on his health and the influences on our child.
i have decided to get into therapy for myself. i don't think that he'll ever stop drinking and i don't think that i can raise my daughter around someone that drinks everyday. he doesn't get violent or anything, but he just isolates himself. we never go to bed together--he's been basically an absent father until someone comes over and then he acts like he's the perfect dad. i'm afraid to leave the baby alone with him in the evenings b/c he gets drunk and i worry that something could happen.
he's chronically late for work and he thinks it's ok b/c he's a doctor and people can wait to see him. he's already gotten fired from one job. i live in constant fear that he'll get fired again. luckily i have a good job and could support myself and my daughter on my own.
my dilemma is when to make the decision about whether or not he will change. i have a terrible feeling that not even his beautiful daughter will be incentive enough for him to quit.
Welcome to MIP! Get place to come to learn about the tools to cope with living with an A. No nothing can turn their heads from the alcohol. Not even their families. What I am learning is that the decision is yours and that you will know when you need to make it. Keep taking good care of yourself and your child.
You don't get to make that decision. That is his decision alone and he will make it when he is sick and tired of being sick and tired with his alcoholism if it is alcoholism and not alcohol abuse or over use or whatever. He's a doctor and probably a member of the AMA. They have a great definition of alcoholism. I'll bet your husband has read it already.
The decisions you make are for yourself now and I hope that one of them is to get to face to face meetings of the Al-Anon Family Groups and get literature and feedback from the members there (and here) who have been where you are at now and what they did about it.
Look in the white pages of your local telephone book or even as the front desk or information desk of the local hospital or call the hot line for Alcoholics Anonymous...they will know.
Keep coming back here and read the past present posts for information that hits your interest.
He will make his decision and you will make yours. Just like him when you can't tolerate anymore is when you will decide to go. It's possible he could decide to get better before then but my experience has been that that usually doesn't happen. You would be helped greatly by getting into a local face to face group and by making decisions that are best for you and your daughter only.
