The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am fortunate enough to have a "long" weekend in that I don't have work tomorrow (veteran's day) ... My intention was to work (finish) my step 4
Ahhhh intentions
I have been working on (or I usually say "procrastinating on") Step 4 since JUNE I keep getting "stuck".... right now I am stuck on the page that wants me to look at "relationships" (using alanon's blueprint for progress book)...
For some reason, the idea of looking at my relationships does not appeal to me so i have been putting it off for that past couple of months.
I have some legit reasons for not working on this as much as I should but this weekend... I really have no excuses (though, I am mourning the loss of my bestest friend - my cat whom I had to put down on 'wednesday)... still I am tempted to clean the tiles in my bathroom with a toothbrush.
How do you get past the procrastination with step 4???
LOL...it took me 5 years to do my first 4th step and then I did 5 more after that one each more deep than the other. "In our own way" has some explanation.
Metaphor? Doing a 4th step like cleaning the tiles in your bathroom with a toothbrush. Hey!! you painted that picture for me! It doesn't have to be perfect cause nothing else is soooo we're back at progress right?
I found courage and trust necessary in doing my first. Courage to get to it and get it down and trust that my sponsor wouldn't jump up right in front of me, stand over me with that Al-Anon handshake (wagging pointing finger) and start shouting, "Just as I thought you have been the biggest (delete expletive) I have ever met. I no longer want to be associated with your sickness!! that or falling down on the floor laughing, holding his sides mumbling, "oh man he is soooo sick!" I no longer have that imagination and nothing remotely like a fear ever came to pass. Actually my sponsor related to my 4th step thru his own experience at doing some of the same things and even worse. Of course the 5th step comes a f t e r the 4th so don't worry about it yet.
I focused on "searching" "fearless" and "moral" cause that is what is asked. Simply said "searching" was taking my time and looking deeply and thoughtfully at my past actions and character. "fearless" was not projecting negativity into the outcome or finished product. and "moral" the difference between good and bad.
You will benefit sooooo much with doing your 4th Dee! You will come to know the one person you have lived your entire life with and who you knew very little about. Guess who? You will start to get the picture and you will be glad. You will know what to change and what to keep. That was motivating for me when I started on your journey and I am still here and better because of it. So will you be!!
I learned that there are many reasons not to do a 4th and only 1 reason to do it.
The opposite of procrastination is promptness. Each has different consequences. Oh and remember to use honesty.
Be gentle with yourself. Some people do the steps really quickly or go back and redo them over the years. For some it takes ages to finish the steps. It didn't take you a week to get this way, why should your recovery take a short time. Recovery is not a cookie cutter science. You'll finish it when you are ready. I've actually skipped that step and then come back to it. You're doing just fine.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
