The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
On the way to work one morning, my daughter told me that Daddy hurt her. When I asked where, she pointed to it. As you can imagine, the worst fear that a mother could have was realized. I contacted her doctor, spoke with my AHs court therapist and now the Court Judge is aware of the situation. There is absolustely no evidence, just the word of a toddler. I have my own therapist and my AH is in non-residenta,l court appointed, 24 month, drug rehab program.
I realize, now, how much .. if not all... of the trust is gone. I'm having hard time and am on guard now when he's here. I've talked to him about my feelings and where I am at emotionally. I need my space right now and a sense of peace. He wants to stay here at home and sleep in another room so he can be here for our daughter. I understand that he is in pain and that finding another place to live, for right now, would be a hassle... but I'm not sure how much longer I can go on in this situation without having a nervous break down. I guess that right now, taking care of myself and my daughter would be to have him leave, then that is what needs to happen. I'm not sure I'll ever heal if things stay the way they are. We have our first family counseling session tomorrow evening, with a court appointed family therapist. My AH's therapists have told him that our marriage may not be saved, but they want to try to salvage some sort of communication between us.
Thank god your daughter trusted you to tell you. And I'm so thrilled you believed her. My mother told me it was my fault. Quite frankly, there may not be any evidence that will be necessary. The court and the therapists will ask your daughter questions that will answer the questions necessary. Please keep posting. And ***keep your husband away from your daughter until further notice, lest he do it again***
yeah, my mom told me it was my fault also and then promptly forgot about it...you are doing the very best that you can. You do need to put you and your child first and foremost.
Aloha Heather...You are not alone and will not be since coming here. Our second step reminds us that, "We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." I know the insanity of children being victimized by adults. I have been counseled on the subject, counseled others on the subject, helped put parents and other adults behind bars because they had violated children in many different ways. Your daughters pain is real. If it is not treated now it will get worse. You and your husband's pain is also very real and will get stronger as the consequences come up. There is no way to think one's way out of it. We need a relationship with a Power much greater than ourselves to get past the insanity.
You can do this with the program. Keep coming back often (((((hugs))))).
I am an incest survivor... my father the alcoholic abused me for many years. My mother and brothers blamed me for the abuse and there were many adults who "thought so" but never said a word.
You need to keep your daughter away from your husband (my father always said he "couldn't help himself" (He was also an alcoholic who couldn't help but to drink as well)...
I only wish my mother was strong enough to have protected me. Justice was never served in my case and I never got treatment for the abuse and here I am 20 something years later... trying to heal through this program.
Take care of YOU and your daughter...she cannot do it for herself.
The only thing in this life that I regret is when I haven't protected my children. I have let abuses occur while I was in denile. That will no longer happen and I will do whatever I need to to keep my children safe. Even if it is hurtful to their father or any other family member. There is no shame in doing what is best for your child in this moment. We don't know what tomarrow brings but for today, you have doubts and clues as to harmful behaviors toward your child. Protect her above all else and you will never regret it.
I have not been in exactly the same situation as you are in duplicating it. At the same time I have been absolutely totally close to nervous, physical and more collapse over the A's actions. I nearly destroyed msyelf putting his needs up there before my own. My health almost failed, I am almost bankrupt and am living in marginal cirumstances. No one says that you have to be a hero in this issue. I tried and tried and tried and tried to do everything I could for the A I totally lost myself in the process.
Please come here as often as you can and sound out what is going on for you. Put it out there. Last week I put out that I am feeling very lonely, I got a different perspective on it by just coming here and talking about it. I am still very very lonely but I feel far less alone with this.
I know you are accessing all the resources you can and taking care of yourself as best you can. This is a phenomenal resource when you are at your wits end. Post post post and then post somemore. Use this board as a container for your heart ache, anger and grief. I did and it helped me immensely to get unstuck. I was very very very committed to the A. I no longer am. I am committed to me and my well being first and everyone elses' second. As a totally compulsive people pleaser that is huge.
