The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Let me begin by introducing myself. I am a young mother of 2 little girls, and married to an alcoholic, drug user. My husband started AA in 2001, he did very well for his first year, he still has not had a drink since. He is also a drug user and has been for many years. He is not a constant user but has been caught and denied it many times. We have come to the point of no return at times and then I cave and pretend nothing is really wrong. A few days ago he disappeared for his nightly coke run and I decided I had enough. I have called his sponsor, and family and explained how I can't live this way anymore. It is not fair to my girls that we are fighting so much and the trust is gone. I don't want to leave him but at the same time I do. Today we had a sort of intervention and he is lost. I feel his pain but I need to believe he wants to change. How do you get through this and hold on hoping that this will ever end? He has promised to start his meetings again and to contact his sponsor when he feels he is going to buckle and get the drugs. I ask him how he can do this when he has 2 wonderful little girls that adore and love him so much. I feel so alone, even though his family says they are here for me, its just not the same. I feel lost and alone and don't know what I should do. I want to attend a meeting but I don't even know where to begin looking and I'm afraid to even step into one. I don't know if it is that I am afraid to finally admit to others that my life is effed up. I am afraid to be surrounded by people who don't know what I am feeling but I know they do. Does this make any sense? I guess in my eyes because I am young I feel that I will be surrounded by older people that wont be able to share my pain and viewd.
Welcome to MIP! I'm glad you found us. We understand how you feel. You can get through this like we all do, one day at a time. You don't have to make any decisions right this moment. Just take a deep breath, easy does it. Start by reading and posting here, then look for a f2f meeting. If you don't like one, try another. You will find one that fits you. It really doesn't matter how old you or they are. People come into this program at all stages of their lives. We were all newcomers at one time and we do understand your pain.
One thing I can tell you is that he does this because he is very sick with a disease. My AH loves me and our boys (7 yrs and 20 months) dearly, but he truly did not love himself that way. He is learning to love himself and is finally making good progress, but it takes time and early recovery for them is terrifying. The best you can do to help him is to help yourself. We are all affected by this disease and need healing. In Alanon you will learn to keep the focus on you and let him learn to handle his own life.
Hope you will keep coming back.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Elika, I am an older person who feels and understands your pain. Please don't hesitate any longer to find a meeting and go to it! You will find people of all ages and circumstances, but they all have one thing in common; their lives have been torn apart by an addict. Please, for your good and the good of your precious little girls, take care of yourself. Keep coming back here. We all understand and support you.
I send you best wishes,
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I have been going through a similar situation. My AH is also a drug addict in recovery for about 5 months. The only thing that saved his life was being arrested and placed in a long term drug rehab program (24 months worth). He suffered serious abuse throughout his childhood and teenage years. He "self medicated" through the use of alcohol, and a variety of drugs. To be honest, I feel more alone than if I was living alone. He's in intensive therapy. Me? I have a therapist who is there to help me heal.
I'm finding it difficult to care for myself and my daughter while he's living at home. It's like having two children and I'm financially supporting them both. He had a good job prior to his arrest, now he washes dishes and stocks freezers in a restaurant for less than half of what he made before. My Mom is sending me money so I can pay all the bills and still eat.
He and I have talked over the past few weeks, especially since my daughter has started showing signs of distress. I can't continue to live this way anymore. The thought of him living elsewhere bring me a sense of great relief. I'd rather be happy and a single mom, than living with a trustless and dysfunctional marriage.
I can empathize with you. All I can say is do what feels right for you and your children, regardless.
