The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi. I am an easy going person who always tries to find the fun and learn things. I am learning how to something that is very important to me. Something that I thought I would never be able to do because I had some sort of mental deficit. But then I found a teacher who believed in me and it wasn't as bad as I thought. I started to experience some success.Today I made a breakthrough and I was so happy about it that I couldn't help it. I came home and the AH was on the couch, I just started rattling off about it. He didn't respond, he just sorta nodded and went back to reading. He knows exactly how much this is a big deal to me and has been for a long time. I mentioned a few more things and he piped right in with the negative remarks. "Yeah you can't do that..." and he went as far as to say that I "sucked" at it. I should have known better, that's why I didn't tell him in the first place. He doesn't believe in me and it makes me doubt myself. He never thought I could do much. There is nothing wrong with me, I just doubt myself. There's no reason why I can't jump in and become a productive meber of society. I'm tired of living on fringes and margins of society in obscurity. I think that's where he wants to stay, where he has always been the most comfortable and where he wants me to stay too.
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I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Congratulations on your accomplishments! Have you ever heard the phrase "... don't go to the hardware store looking for a loaf of bread..."
Just because he is not capable right now of sharing your joy, doesn't mean you don't deserve it. *smile*
My opinion is that people who have low self esteme are sometimes incapable of delighting in the accomplishments of others. You are so right when you said "there is nothing wrong with me..."
Keep jumping in there... and share it with us, we will cheer you on!
Take care of you!
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"Good judgement comes from experience... experience comes from bad judgement" - unknown
We would love to hear about your accomplishments, Jamie. That's part of what we are here for.
He can't make you doubt yourself without your permission. His opinion of himself is just so low that he can't stand to have to look up at you, so he has to bring you down to his level. His meanness is not a lack of belief in you really. It is a lack of belief in himself to keep up with you. Sad for him really, but you don't have to let him manipulate you into feeling incapable. You can see him for the sick person he is and go on.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I'm so sorry he robbed you of your joy. I can so relate. It's rare enough that we have that much enthusaism, but to bubble over and share it with someone who'll only suck it right out of us is so painful.
Take this as a lesson learned, that you don't want to learn again. Come here, share it with us, no matter how small you think it is to others, if it's big for you, we'll celebrate it as huge Remember who will lift you up, who will celebrate with you...who will give you what you need. (and yes it should be the A, but he's sick)
Okay, now I don't do this for everyone, but I'm doing my happy dance for you !! (my daughter says MOM stop! LOL)
jamie dear I have shared the similar.. Now I know to turn to my tools 2 keep plugging away at my life experience
For me the a is gone -- I'm past the feeling like a trainwreck now at least. As tje of only's hit it helps for me to halt myself
hungry angry lonely tired
To let me go back to the if only's pretty much puts me back into the wreckage. My h p is like 'go from the damages.. there is no thing salvageable here' and on I go to the promises of the serenity prayer.
gentle paths n light n love to all ur affairs getoverit
Remember who will lift you up, who will celebrate with you...who will give you what you need. (and yes it should be the A, but he's sick)