The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Some of you know already that I attend a weekly study group. For the past two weeks we have been looking at forgiveness, with Lewis Smedes - the same video two weeks running! He outlines four stages of forgiveness, which I wanted to share with folks.
1 Acknowlegement that you have been hurt 2 Blaming the person who has hurt you 3 Surrender the right to get even 4 Begin to revise, so that you no longer hate, but accept that they are a flawed human being, just like ourselves
He said that it is a long process and won't happen immediately.
In your imagination or in person, you say:
"I don't understand" "I'll never understand" "It isn't okay, it never will be okay, but I forgive "
We all found this so helpful and I thought it might help others to understand, and to begin a healing process.
I might add that I have not yet put this into practise!
Your cat is sweet. I have a siamese. What a poignant lesson. Forgiveness is a very hard thing to put into practice, but following these 4 steps makes the pill a little easier to swallow.
Welcome to MIP I enjoyed your post.
Take care,
Cookie
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A person's a person no matter how small --Dr Suess
I really like these stages and it makes sense but it will be a loonng process for sure even though 4 steps make it seems short and sweet. I think I can do the first two easy - hmmmmmmmm perhaps that is a problem. I can do step three usually in reality (don't let mind readers near me though) but forget step four and I know I had better learn or resentment will turn me into a bitter old lady some day.
Good info, thanks Angela and I have kept this info to reference when I am ready for steps three and four.
ddub
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"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Thanks for sharing that.... what helped me with respect to forgiveness, particulary when my A was active and drinking (and all the associated crap that goes with that), was when I learned that by granting forgiveness, it was for MY health and serenity, and was a step in ME getting better. I was not anywhere near a point where I wanted to "let her off the hook", so to speak, but learned to understand that this lack of forgiveness was keeping ME sick....
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
(((Angela))) thank you. Although I have forgiven my A and moved on, and I know that the forgiving was the key to my letting go, it has reminded me that that is what I need to do with my daughter.
God Bless you. Heartbroken
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
