The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Got an email from the A when I got home today, I had sent him one saying that he needed to have a home, job, be clean and sober and have a way to get to and from a place to meet to see the kids. He comes back two days later with "well I guess it will be a really long time until I see my babys since you know I can't get a driver's license. Thanks" I felt like writing back to say ya you're right you shouldn't even try just give up now. I decided silence was golden. If it were me I would walk to see my kids but hey that's just me. I guess I'm past boo hoo oh poor me now.
How you handled that was great CG! Why even answer something like that. Yuck!
And how sad, that's a grown man (supposed to be, needs to be).
Silence has been golden with my exA. He knew exactly how to get to me, and even when I'd not bite the bait, my insides were still turned upside down. And it also communicates a big fat message for me, to him, without saying a word . . . NO! Can't argue with silence, and I can't get hooked either. So I get to stay nice and peaceful :)
Just think back when we would have been hooked and reeled in by now. Or, were! How things have changed, huh?
I figure he was in prison for 5 months and I didn't talk to him at all during that time, no replies to letters, nothing. So now it's a lot easier to just blow off his little pouting sessions. I talk to his mom a lot tho and mentioned it to her. I could come up with at least 10 ways to see my kids right now if I had no license...
1. drive anyway and take my chances (assuming i had a car which he doesnt...) 2. Hitchhike 3. ride the casino bus that picks up in his town and brings you to one town from mine 4. make a friend who wants to go to the beach and get a ride 5. go to meetings and find a sypmathetic person who would give a ride 6. save up money for a cab
Ok well maybe only six for now but good lord, if you were living in a shelter just out of prison and had no home, job or transportation wouldn't you be thinking about trying to get stable first? I guess the concept of fix yourself first hasn't hit him yet.
You go girl. Don't feed that fire he is trying to get started. You are in such a great place right now. You keep things rolling on your side and let him worry about his side. And I am like you......I'd walk around the world to see my kids. I would do everything in my power to see them. It sounds to me like he just wants pity from you. A way for him to wiggle back into your life. Well screw that. Heck, you still have a restraining order against him until the spring, right? Maybe I am remembering that wrong......but seeing the kids right now shouldn't even be an option....IF there is still an RO (or protective order). Seriously.
Good for you! Stay strong! A grown man should be able to figure out how to find transportation on his own. Bet he'd find it quick if there were free drugs in your town. My ex did the same whiney " but I have no car *sniff*, you're keeping the kids from me*sob*, how am I supposed to ___ fill in the blank" Jeeze, a man with 4 kids who says he is an adult....please. Just keep staying strong in your decision. Don't fall for his tatics for a second. If he feels you are intentionally keeping the kids from him then he is more than welcome to get a lawyer and take you to court. Let him fight for what he wants. Then maybe he won't be so quick to throw those precious children away again.
Yes the RO is good until March I think and keeps him from contacting me or our son. I don't mind emails, I can just delete them and there are NO WORRIES about me staying strong! LOL I'm like a rock. He can feel sorry for himself, doesn't mean I have to. All I feel like saying is well that isn't my fault or that's not my problem. He has had to start over with nothing HOW MANY TIMES since I moved out a year ago? He'd get a great job, a place to live, be seeing the kids at my expense of driving them to HIM and then decide he'd rather go get high and hang out with his AA gf. Those are HIS choices not mine. I'm done choosing to make his life easier I'd like to make MINE a little easier!!!
You know, my youngest daughter's father is now 31 years sober. He lives 36 miles away and has been retired for several years. He is financially stable.
He spent one year getting to know her (when she was 8), then it dropped off to nothing.
Being a poor father isn't just limited to active alcoholics/addicts.
I can't even begin to tell you everything I have been through with that daughter, but today I can look at myself in the mirror and know I have been there for her and did the best job that I can as a single parent.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
The A still tried to pull the illness card with me. I don't play into it any longer. He also plays the poor me card too but I don't play into that anymore. I am so proud of how far you have come.
