The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It has taken me all of three hours to find my way back here after two days of emotional to-ing and fro-ing. Panic sticken, I thought I had lost the life-line that you all threw out to me last week.
Coupled with that, I am gutted that, having accepted the step one - I am powerless over my daughter - and accepted the step two - I believe in a power greater than myself that will restore me to sanity, I appear not to have reckoned with my human frailty and as a result have been on a see-saw of panic ever since.
My moods swings are all over the place and it is all that I can do to 'just remember to breathe'.
I feel that I have back-tracked and it has come as a huge shock.
Right now I feel I have made NO progress at all.
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
Remember these also: ODAT, BABY STEPS, PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION. I know it seems like we are not making progress but we are. Don't be so hard on yourself. Recovery isn't instantanious. It took us years to get this way, so why shouldn't recovery take time. Be gentle on yourself.
Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
hi and welcome . Hey just the fact you made it back here and put together a great post shows progress. This is MAJOR. Nothing hits us harder than when the pain is for our children. We feel so helpless. My son is going thru tough stuff. Not A but lifestuff. I do my best to say,can I do anything and I love you,then step away. Hey it took me a long time to build a boundary so his stuff did not tear me apart.
We cannot change anyone else. So we must change how WE are, how We react. People have to make their own choices,good or bad.We must stay out of it so they can learn. Let go of our loved ones addictions,love them for them. Yes we will be sad for them,however,we are also relieved of worry as we cannot do anything anyway.All we do is love them. Let them know OUR boundaries and simply love them. It is hard at first, but I will tell you,been at this soooo many years,right here on MIP, I can see others progress. I see yours very clearly. You are brave enough to come here. You are brave enough to admit something is not right. You love your child and you enough to accept a program that may seem foreign at first. Soon it will feel like a home.
One idea I've heard that helps me is that when I start doing different healthier behaviours - which includes healthier attitudes - I drastically stretch my comfort zone. Therefore my disease kicks into overdrive and tries to drag me back into the comfort of familiarity. But I've just realized that the only thing comfortable about what's familiar is the familiarity itself - aaackk!!!
Hm. This makes a weird kind of sense to me, hope it's not total gibberish to you . What it boils down to is - the panic is a sign of progress. It sure doesn't FEEL that way, but what's happened is I've become uncomfortable with my disease behaviours, and my disease is sure uncomfortable with my healthy behaviours, so I'm going to have some discomfort for a while. The only way to get comfortable with the new ways is practice. "Breathe", imho, is a fabulous tool for times of panic.
Have you found an f2f near you? Check out al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.htm for various states' & countries' info services, including meeting lists. One of the first benefits I noticed from meetings was that when I had been to one, I felt calmer.
Thank you one and all for responding to my panic and talking with me.
Not an option that I have to go to f2f meetings, this is why I panicked when I could not get back here the other day.
Anyway, I have managed to solve that and have the book mark properly in place, and the web address written on a sticky that I have placed on my desk JUST IN CASE.
I am aware that I am posting and chatting and venting and taking. I hope that I shall be able to GIVE something back too, however I suppose by just being here I am giving and what I give is me at my most vulnerable. A small token. So ODAAT.
S M I L I N G.
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"The highest form of wisdom is kindness." The Talmund
I agree with thinkstoomuch posts, this is hard stuff to do. I went back and forth with this for years. I have been here a few years now and in babysteps I've made changes. I can't tell you my life is hunky dory its really gruelling stuff but I feel more in control than I ever have.
. What it boils down to is - the panic is a sign of progress. It sure doesn't FEEL that way, but what's happened is I've become uncomfortable with my disease behaviours, and my disease is sure uncomfortable with my healthy behaviours, so I'm going to have some discomfort for a while. The only way to get comfortable with the new ways is practice. "Breathe", imho, is a fabulous tool for times of panic.