The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
In the "Getting Them Sober, volume one" book, it talks about how one of the main things that partners of alcoholics have in common, is trying to show the alcoholic how much we can do for them, instead of even thinking of asking how much they can do for us. This is such a knee-jerk action for us........ it is so chronic, so repetitive..... that we usually do it without even thinking about it..... .......And when we stop it......or lessen it....... (usually because we're angry with them at the time)...... then when the anger dies down some, the irrational guilt sets in....... and we often then (unconsciously) scramble to make sure that they understand that "we're still there for them" (so they won't totally leave us).
When we begin to internalize that we have it upside-down....... that we need to see ourselves as people who have the right to be cherished in a relationship......and all that that means....... the irrational guilt doesn't set in anymore.
That's quite a long and profound journey, for most of us.
I am new at this. My 1st Alanon meeting was last week and reading this brings so many emotions and feelings to the surface. I am on a continuing rollercoaster ride which brings me to the highs of knowing that I "have the right to be cherished" and the lows of the guilt. How can I put myself first knowing that I may hurt someone?
At the moment, the the guilt wins most of the time but I am hoping to increase my faith to bring me to the high points more often.
