The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ok...once again, these sponsee critters are fabulous creations. My sponsee is working on her 4th step, and we met today and talked about all things Al-Anon. In the context of our conversation, we were discussing serenity and progress not perfection. She was having problems with feeling serenity because she felt that once she was at that place she was not allowing HP to be in charge. She felt that "owning" her serenity was taking the control of her life away from HP and putting it into her own hands. I explained to her that it was ok to "own our serenity." We are allowed to feel good about the things that we do because in a sense we do have some control over our lives. We have to make choices, we have to do footwork, and it's ok to feel the serenity that comes with that. We are not unfeeling creatures. We have emotions, wants, needs, and desires. We are ever-evolving humans. We are not fruit flies that get born, mate, and die in a matter of days. Even if we have a bad day we can still feel serenity because it's only one day...not our whole lives.
I also explained to her that HP wants us to have some control over our lives. HP is our spiritual helper, our guide in life, and our friend. HP is not our parents, our spouse, or our sponsor (darnit!!!). We are allowed to have choices, make decisions, do footwork, and most of all make mistakes.
What we don't have control over is other people, places, and things...and especially alcoholics. I can change me and I can change a diaper, but I can't change another person.
Bless my sponsee, and bless all of you. Love Senora-not a fruit fly-Bob
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Higher Power doesn't always wrap presents in pretty paper.
I remember feeling like your sponsee....it's fear, fear that if we allow ourselves to claim something as good as serenity as our own then we are not surrending to a power greater than ourselves. Like claiming it is wrong, as if we created it ourselves...the thing is we worked for it, it didn't happen all by itself -- and it's even more work to keep it, lol.
Balance in understanding how our HP works takes time. I forever felt that I had the great and almighty power to screw things up and I was unable to enjoy that which HP tried to bless me with. Fear is a tough one, wanting to do it right, wanting to get it right, all the while thinking if we don't we'll end up back where we started. Here is where my sponsor said "there is a lot to be said for doing nothing." When I felt at peace, I was to do nothing but feel it. That was a challenge for me. Now I don't want it to end
Maybe when your sponsee feels that serenity surround her she can do a mental gratitude list. A way of acknowledging her HP's presence in her life.
Hmmmm, I can't quite wrap my brain around thinking that HP wouldn't want me to have serenity, or joy, or happiness or any other good thing. HP IS all those things and they are ours for the taking.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I'm alot like your Sponsee, God gave me free will and for me I use it ALOT. I believe more in my own actions and responsibilites. It's sometimes easier to grasp reality then it is to grab ahold of something I can not physically see or touch. If that makes sense.. My HP gave free will to me for such occasions. I get strength this way. :)
My sponsor hasn't been able to start working steps with me. I asked someone who I had asked a year or 1.5 years ago to be my sponsor if he'd be willing to start giving me some footwork to do. His sponsor has recently cleared him to sponsor. LOL His reply was, he'd think of me more as a sponsor. Maybe I need to remind him it's a two way street but he has experience in working this that I don't have.
Bob
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You are a perfect child of God and God and I love you just the way you are! (added by me...in that special alanon way)
RATS! I thought your were my HP!!!!! I am so disappointed. Great story. I lovingly slap you with a trout. Do trout eat fruit flies? Thanks for sharing that with us. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
). We are allowed to have choices, make decisions, do footwork, and most of all make mistakes. 
Great story. I lovingly slap you with a trout. Do trout eat fruit flies? 
Thanks for sharing that with us. Love and blessings to you and your family.